Dear Love, This Means War
by miss atari
Summary: Everything they've built is tested in a journey of heart ache, confessions, and realizations. They managed to last the summer, but can they make an entire year? AU. Boy love. MxM. Rewrite of With Accidents.
1. 01

All it took was one comment on facebook to kick my ass, and for that, I thank you. (: I loved this story so much that I finally got around to rewriting it. The original will be left up, and while there will be chapters that are very similar, know that things will be written differently and the story direction will go left instead of right.

This is the sequel rewrite to Convention.

Enjoy.

* * *

_"Thinking about leaving.  
__How should I say goodbye?  
__With a handshake __or an embrace,  
or a kiss on the cheek?  
Possibly all three."_

_- The Summer Ends, American Football._

* * *

One day.

That's all the had left of their summer vacation.

They had a short twenty four hours to change their habits. Lying in each other's arms and forgetting reality together, staying out until early hours of the morning- it was going to scarcely happen. Getting out of the house was going to be a challenge as the days grew shorter, nights grew longer, and parents watched their every move. It wasn't right to act like holigans. It was time to start acting like young, respectable men.

Young men that, in the span of three months, had fallen in love.

"Hey," Matt whispered against Mello's mouth. "You're thinking too hard."

"I am not."

"You are," he spoke, the small gap betwen them closed as their lips met, melding together like lightning on sand. A perfectly flawed, destructable piece of art. "Stop thinking so much and enjoy it."

"Okay," Mello murmured, curling into Matt's embrace.

The sun rose, settling high in the noon sky and bathing the couple in warm rays as if to tell the world that the only thing that mattered was seeing them happy. If you asked Matt, however, he would say that it was more so directed towards Mello.

The happiness of one individual teenage boy that had been stuck living his life to his parent's expectations. He had been traveling a difficult path of trying to meet their ideals, dreams, and visions. Matt was his fork in the road, and this budding relationship had steered him into a direction that he never thought he'd take. No longer did he feel the desire to please his parents, but to have his own happy ending.

Mello's happiness was meant to be short lived, but he would cherish every minute of it.

His parents knew; they were aware of something going on between the boys. However, they turned a blind eye when it came to their son battng for the same sex. He couldn't be - no, he would never be - gay.

At least not in their eyes.

The sun wasn't ready to acknowledge Matt's happiness as it covered Mello from head to toe, leaving the red head to bask in his boyfriend's shadow. No, it wasn't willing to accept that he deserved to be happy too, despite his cheery disposition on life, lopsided grin, and sarcastic remarks. How could the sun shine for Matt when it was Mello that was acomplished so much in such little time? He'd made it through the entire summer vacation holding onto something that he wanted, and that was praise worthy enough.

"Mel," Matt chimed in, tossing Mello's worries into the wind. "I need you to do something for me."

Perking an eyebrow, Mello languidly looked left, blue capturing green. For a moment the the only thing that mattered was the penetratingly long gaze they shared. The world ending was the only thing that could tear them apart.

"Hm?" the blond pushed himself up, his fingers digging into the cool soil.

"Make out with me," Matt proposed with a wry grin.

The scenario was all too familiar.

"But... I," Mello started nervously. It was like this was his first time making out with a boy. "I can't."

"Why not?" A soft palm cupped his face, and naturally, Mello leaned into it.

This wasn't how the blond remembered meeting Matt. There were no soft touches, seductive glances, or silent promises. Their meeting had been purely based on boredom and a lack of excitement.

"B-because I don't know you!" Mello exclaimed, mocking the way Matt acted that faithful evening months before.

"Well," Matt leaned forward, breathy wisps ghosting over Mello's face as he inched closer, his other hand slowly coming up to rest on the bare side of Mello's face, pulling the blond to him, "how about you get to know me?"

"I don't think that's such a good idea." Mello protested weakly, melting against his lover's hands.

"It's an execellent idea." Matt grinned before hungrily claiming his lips.

Almost instantly blue eyes closed as a familiar spark coursed through his veins, sending small shivers along his spine. Mello pushed against Matt, his hands gliding over stripes as one came to rest on the small of his back, the other needingly kneading crimson locks.

Moaning quietly, Matt's back hit the ground with a muted thump and Mello took this as the oppurtunity to straddle him, both knees firmly pressed into the drit beneath them. A mewl of excitement escaped Mello's lips and Matt took the initiative to thrust his tongue into the welcoming warmth of his partner's mouth.

This was definitely something they were going to miss once school started.

"Mm," the blond groaned, sweeping his tongue across Matt's as they hopelessly danced together, his hands finding their way under his shirt in retaliation to the sudden intrusion of his mouth.

Arching his back into the touch, Matt tore away from Mello. Breathing heavily, lust filled eyes searched oceans of blue in an attempt to decide that was this was how they should spend the last day of summer vacation.

Matt wanted to analyze the situation; he wanted to think about this clearly, as he wasn't sure that he wanted to spend their last day together trying to catch their breath and covered in more than just sweat. He loved Mello, but did he want to end the summer by doing something they could do at any given time? He wanted today to be special.

On the other hand, this might be the best way to show Mello his love. It could also be their last chance to be intimate for a while. It would also mean that he could begin life at his new school off the market, and happily so. No one would bug him about his availabilty if they saw bruises painting his collar.

Even then, Matt wasn't too sure if that was a good thing considering the parental units of his boyfriend. They didn't exactly like him or what he had supposedly done to their son. Their son that would graduate high school with flying colors, attend a well known, prestigious college and find love in a book worm of a girl that would only care about salvaging a broken marriage and trying to start a family in order to do so.

In Matt's opinion, Mello would end up making a move on the sleaziest girl he could find because it would put his parents in an early grave. He knew Mello too well. Almost as well as the pain growing under Mello as he moved around on his lap, trying to get comfortable.

"Matt?" Mello pulled away from the rewarding job he'd begun on the red head's neck.

"Yeah?"

"Something's wrong," he said, looking up. Worry etched on his face.

"Nothing's wrong, Mel," their lips connected briefly. "I promise."

Mello sprawled himself out over Matt, snuggling against his chest, his lips lightly tracing the previous trail of glistening skin from Matt's neck to his jaw. "Tell me what you're thinking."

Matt sighed, wrapping his arms tightly around the other male, cradling him against his body as he gingerly pressed his lips to golden tresses, inhaling a scent that was distinctly Mello. How was he suppose to tell Mello that he wasn't sure if they would last the year? How was Matt to tell him that hew knew Mello's parents would find out about their relationship? Hell, he knew that someone in the school would rat them out. There was always that one person that wanted to ruin the happiness of other people for their own personal gain.

Matt dreaded tomorrow, and he did so rightfully.

"C'mon," Mello insisted, fingers curling into black and white fabric as he leaned up to look at the worried expression flittering across Matt's face, "talk to me, baby."

"We start school tomorrow, Mel."

"Huh? Oh, yeah. I know that." he shifted until he felt the arms around his torso release him, allowing him to roll over to lay beside the red head. "That shouldn't bother you."

"It does though..." Matt stated, biting his lip out of frustration.

"Why?"

"It just does," he said, screwing his eyes shut as he gathered his thoughts before spitting out mindless word vomit. "We'll have to hide us..."

Blinking, Mello glanced over to the other teen. Was that it? Was Matt honestly panicking over having to keep their relationship secret? Granted, they had been inseperable for the past few months, even though Mello knew his parents were catching on. It had never been a problem until now.

"Matt, baby... there's nothing wrong with that." Mello whispered, turning to face a darkening sky. A storm was looming.

The pearlecent clouds drifted by slowly, colliding with the sky as it broke off into ribbons of blue and grey, resembling their relationship in its current moment.

Mello took the blue parts of the sky as he kept his head high, discouraging any negative thoughts that could lead to breaking off what they had spent months crafting and sharing. Matt homed in on the grey storm clouds watching over them as they regretably came to terms with the possibility of having to break up in order to remain friends, if they could stand being only that.

It wasn't like he didn't want to be with Mello anymore - no, it wasn't that at all. Rather, it was that he was afraid the wrong person at school would catch on. Matt couldn't stand having their forbidden affair put on full blast. Everyone would know about it, and he already knew that he wouldn't be able to handle it or the break up if everyone knew. That would make things ten times worse than they needed to be.

This was the moment that he had been least looking forward to, and he sincerely wished that it wasn't going to happen.

"There's nothing wrong with that?"

"Isn't that what I said?" Mello retorted, clicking his tongue.

"Mel, seriously." Matt gazed over at Mello, watching as he made pictures in the distorted coloration of the sky. "Think about it. If word gets out about us, then someone will rat. What would you parents think? They already suspect something."

Not having thought of this newfound fear, the blond shrugged before sliding a leg over Matt's waist to sit on his thighs.

"We'll have to deal with that when it happens," he announced, leaning down as his hands slid up to cradle his face, his lips softly brushing against Matt's. "Now isn't the time, okay? Stop worrying."

Matt hesitantly nodded, pulling his knees up to support the boy on top of him.

* * *

oh god, oh god. i should go back to gaming now. -hugs controller close to chest-

yes? no?

|  
V  
why is this box so big i don't even.

review?


	2. 02

Original chapters 2 and 3 compiled into one chapter. I also have a challenge for you guys, to get your creativity flowing. Details are at the bottom.

Enjoy.

* * *

_"And when it's the end,  
__our lives will make sense.  
__We'll love, we'll bend...  
__let's play pretend."  
_  
_- Pretend, LIGHTS._

* * *

The halls were too small.

If anyone could develop a random case of claustrophobia, Matt would be that person.

Wide, green eyes scanned the cramped corridors, overlooking each curious face as they took in the newest addition to their student body. Matt could feel the gazes on his back, hear the questions, and it was getting harder to breathe. Curling in on himself, he walked silently with his head down, towards the main office. The only indications that he was going the right way were the directional arrows painted on the floor that were much like the ones stickered onto the off beige, fake cement walls.

"Oh, he's cute!"

"What's his name?"

"Is he taken?"

"I don't know, but I'd fuck him!"

Apparently people weren't shy about their feelings here. Matt wasn't used to the attention.

"Great, just what we need, another fag."

The loosely thrown words spun past him, whirling around his head in a dizzying wave as he locked onto his destination. The office, the place that would dictate his life for the next nine months. Well, everything save for the strained relationship he had outside of this prison. A relationship with a certain blond that he hadn't found in the sea of adolescence.

"Mr. Jeevas?" a woman asked, her voice gentle.

"Yeah?"

"Good morning," she stood, pushing her chair back and extending a polite hand. "It's nice to meet you."

"Likewise," Matt said, staring at her as if she were diseased. The idea of shaking hands with her, or anyone for that matter, discouraged him from any future contact with the student and teacher body of his new educational learning facility.

She blinked, awkwardly looking at her hand. "Ahem, well. My name is Mrs. Myers."

Bad first impression apparently. Great job, Matt.

"I'm Moore High's principal and I expect you to follow each guideline that we've set out to ensure your safety and the safety of those around you." she spoke dryly, as if she had been rehearsing for this moment all morning.

Was she not used to fresh meat? Matt's old school was like a brothel. New faces lined up in front of the office like it was the main course.

As she continued reading from an invisible prompter somewhere behind him, he struggled to hold back a yawn. Looking around the room, he took in the plaques on the walls. Each one signified something that she'd acomplished in her life before making the oh-so wonderful jump to being a high school principal. Apparently she had graduated with a degree in psychology, he saw. That would come in handy one day.

But seriously, he found himself wondering who in their right mind would willingly throw their lives away to watch over five hundred rowdy, stubbornly annoying teenagers? Matt's brief lapse of sanity made him think that this was one of the most ridiculous things he'd ever thought about. Mainly because he was curious about someone else's life for a change and not his own.

"- understood? Also, I lined someone up to help you around until you become used to everything, but it appears that he cancelled. It looks like you're on your own."

Matt nodded, not having any idea what he was supposed to have understood, and slipped his hands into pockets of worn denim. Images of Mello swam through his mind as he pretended to listen to the bland voice of the woman in front of him; the music in his head was much more entertaning. If he weren't aware of his surrounds, he was certain that he could pull of a melbourne shuffle or do a little jumpstyle move. Matt's eyes flickered between this and that in mock curiousity as he tried to find something - anything - to latch onto so that she wouldn't have a reason to question his attention span.

Which was short. Yes, he was aware.

"Now that we've gone over the basics, here is your schedule." she said, once again shoving her hand into his bubble. This time, however, he had to accept the small offering with a nonchalant grin and quick nod. "Your homeroom is two halls down the left, then the first door on the right. I hope you have no problems locating it, and as always, welcome to school, Mail."

"Matt," he coughed.

"Excuse me?"

"Matt. My name is Matt," the young red head stated as he folded his schedule in half and pushed it into a back pocket.

She smiled, stood, and ushered him out of her office without a second thought. "Welcome then, Matt."

If she'd been anymore impolite then he would have considered pointing that out to her, but seeing that this was his first day, he didn't exactly want to return home before he was supposed to with a guilty conscience and an explanation for why he was no longer able to attend Moore High School. Matt was sure that calling her out on how rudely she shoved him out would have him expelled immediately.

The hallways looked weird. They were dead and all visible life could be seen shifting uncomfortably in chairs with bored expressions plastered on their faces. He was the only one in the halls, and it was glorious.

A faint smile crossed his lips as he caught sight of a certain someone seated near the door in the classroom next to his. He looked beyond bored, Matt noted as he stood watching Mello drum his fingers on the abused desk.

"This blows," he mouthed the moment Mello glanced up at the window, blue eyes widening upon spotting the red head standing on the other side of the plexiglas.

"I know." Mello mouthed back, a delicate smile playing on his lips and a blush painting his cheeks as his boyfriend blew him a kiss. Matt really was going to be the death of him.

Not wanting to take any longer than he had, but knowing that he had a valid excuse if questions were asked on his tardiness, Matt turned away from Mello and knocked twice on the wooden barrier in front of him. This was going to either make him or break, he decided as a man with a bright, obnoxiously pink dress shirt on opened the door. Matt thought he would die. The man's cold eyes revealed the shock that he tried to hide as he realized that he'd unfortunately gained another student.

"Your name?" he spoke hurriedly, motioning for Matt to enter and take a seat.

"Matt," he answered as he unluckily sat down in the first seat of the first row. It was abandoned by everyone else because they crowded the back corner of the room. He would be the first one out of the room, so joke's on them.

"Your schedule," he demanded, greedily fingering the air.

Arching a brow, Matt lifted himself up slightly, pulled the paper from his pocket and handed it to them man. Green eyes watching intently as the faculty member unfolded the intricate folded design Matt made on his journey to this class.

"Why does this say your name is Mail?" the man asked. A few scattered chuckles rang out.

"It's pronounced Mile," he retorted.

"Are you back talking me, Mail?"

"I'm correcting your mistake," Matt stated.

Huffing in disbelief, his teacher - whom he'd later come to know as Mr. Davis - stalked off to plop down into the swivel chair behind his desk. He cleared his throat before reciting rules and old regulations that had been around since the fifteenth century. Or, at least that's how old Matt thought this guy was.

This was truly worse than his old school. At least there he could pass out in homeroom and then proceed to go about the rest of his day mindlessly. Only, the difference this go around would be the lack of sibling to taunting him.

An annoying ringing jarred Matt from his train of thought, and he quickly noticed the trail of drool that had begun to slide out of the right side of his mouth. Afraid to move, he watched as the rest of the kids in his class filed out of the room in a messy single fashion order. They spoke of things he had no idea about, how they were stoked to not get stuck with Mr. Davis, or a curious comment about him being the new guy. He could've sworn that one girl even eye raped him as she made her exit.

Curiously he glanced down at his schedule sheet and sighed in relief when he saw that this was the last time he would see this man or his class. Well, until the middle of the year when midterm exams were to begin.

"Matt!" a voice called, its owner waving an arm in the air at the sight of the red head.

"Hey," he grinned, leaning closer to Mello as he stood beside him. "What's up?"

"How's your first day?" Mello asked, his eyes fluttering over his own time table.

"Same old," Matt answered, shoving the paper back into his pocket, his fingers itching to lace through the blonds' own, but instead finding solace in picking at a loose strand of fabric on the strap of his courier bag.

"What class do you have next?"

They slowly picked up speed as they began to mingle with the sea of teenage bodies.

"Uh... English lit," his voice fell when the blond groaned, obviously displeased.

"What teacher?"

"Berkley."

"Ms. Berkley?" Mello looked over.

"I guess?" Matt swallowed hard. Was this something he should worry about? Hell, he didn't even know who this woman was.

"Okay. I have geometry, so I'll see you later."

"Wa- What?" Matt asked incredulously.

"I have class in another wing, so I'll catch you at lunch," Mello said.

"Okay, Mel."

"Later."

Lost, confused, and unsure of what just happened, Matt stood and watched the teen clad in all black waltz down the hall like he owned it, turn the corner and disappear for the next two hours of his life. They were too long, he would later argue.

The odd way in which Mello left him wasn't the only thing he had to worry about. He had something else to fret over that completely out weighed the weird departure of his partner. Where in the hell was the English wing and who was Ms. Berkley? More importantly, why did Mello panic when he found out that Matt had this woman for a teacher?

"Good morning," the twenty something year old sang happily as Matt entered the room, late again, "you must be Mail!"

Tilting his head, he blinked at the perfect pronunciation of his name; surprised and pleased.

So this was Ms. Berkley? This woman, dressed in a slim, black dress with red maryjanes? She was definitely a looker, that Matt couldn't deny. He could understand now why his blond had become wary about him having her. It wasn't like he was going to try to get in this woman's pants or something - on the contrary, the only pants he wanted in belonged to Mello.

"It's Matt," he quietly corrected, shifting his weight between feet.

"Okay," she chimed, "I'm Ms. Berkley."

She sure was a ray of sunshine. Matt mentally stuck his his tongue out at her when she motioned to the desk in front of hers, smiling cheerfully as she did so.

"I'm not going to read over the rules and I'm not going to begin asking what you guys did over the summer," she said, pacing back and forth, twiddling her thumbs behind her, "instead we are going to jump directly into the course and start with what I deem the worst thing to verbally read, _The Canterbury Tales_."

"Ah, shit!" a boy groaned - "Why?" - a squeaky girl asked - "C'mon, that's not cool!" - another boy exclaimed.

Ms. Berkley shook her head, clearly amused. Slowly she began to read out her own version of the book, butchered English accent and all, as his eyes tried to follow along. Those behind him snickering as she fled over words that had missing letters. It was quite interesting, he admitted, but not as interesting as the inside of his eyelids. Matt slumped forward onto his desk and face-planted into the open book for the remainder of the hour and a half long class.

The next class was extremely unneeded. Why did he have to take a health class again? He had finished both years of the expected physical education courses, which came with health class. He didn't want to sit through this class again, especially when it came time for sex ed.

Matt was very educated in sex.

Needless to say, he zoned out and began to think about his blond lover. This took up the entire class period, and he realized that he hadn't heard anything the teacher said, nor had he gotten the information on the homework he had been instructed to complete for the next class. Who gave out homework for health?

After health was creative writing, a class he picked as an elective and the only one he happened to share with Mello.

"Hey," he muttered, taking the seat beside Mello and placing his bag on the ground.

"Mm," was his given response.

"What's up?" Matt asked, happy to be in a class where he could talk to his boyfriend.

"Nothing," the blond stated coldly, fiddling with the peeling plaster atop the desk he was seated in.

Opening his mouth to speak, Matt could feel the glare directed at him. Was Mello still upset over who his English teacher was? Oh, for the love of God, couldn't he just get over it? It wasn't like he was planning on doing anything to the woman, as he wasn't exactly into those of the female persuasion.

Mello rolled his eyes at the confusion jumping over Matt's features and put all of his focus on tearing a piece of fake wood off of the desk.

Blinking, Matt shrugged and turned around to face the front of the class, eyeing each individual person, wishing he knew why Mello was acting so cold and being so hesitant to talk to him. He hadn't done anything, right? What could he have done in the span of four hours that would make the other upset with him? This was his first day in this school; his first day in a hell hole of a place, and he didn't want to go about it wondering what he'd done wrong when he knew damn well that he hadn't done anything.

"Settle down." a deep voice resonated from the open door. All eyes turned to face it as a scraggly man appeared in the jamb with a closed book in tow.

"Ay, Cates!" several students shouted, welcoming the man back for another year of poems, short stories, and journal entries built on angst, depression, drug addiction bliss, and love.

"Hey guys," Mr. Cates smiled genuinely, dropping his book down on the table in the center of the front of the room before shifting through familiar faces and taking notice of the new.

"For those of you that are in creative writing two, you already know the way things work, so get started on your first project," he pointed at the board behind him, "and for my first years, I'm going to explain how this works."

Matt nodded along with the other first years clumped around him. The pencil on his desk slowly rolling across the baron area between his out stretched arm and his notebook.

"It's pretty simple, you write and you pass. You don't write and you fail. Got it? We start off the period with a short story, poem or whatever I have picked out for that day. Everything you write, no matter how terrible, will go into a journal that I will read every four weeks. Understood?"

"These journals count for half of your grade. Also, once things begin to move along, you will be advised to anonymously submit your work to me for class readings and discussions. The more you participate, the more you will be looked at and respected as a writer and an individual. Is that clear?"

"Now, for the first thing," Mr. Cates turned to face the blackboard, raising his hand to follow along with the words scrawled across, "this is what we're working on now. I will you give the next thirty minutes to complete this assignment, and then we'll share our experiences. I'll go first to break the ice. Good luck!"

The experience was a fond memory over the span of the last three months, or in Matt's case, his transition between homes and schools. This was going to be hard because he just couldn't pin point one particular moment. No, he had many; every moment he spent with Mello was treasured and having to decide which one was best, well, that was just unfathomable in his mind.

"Times up!"

Green eyes shot down to the blank sheet of paper on the table.

"Ah man! I'm not done!" some random kid cried.

"That's okay," Cates spoke mockingly. "I'll start first."

The readings took off, and before he knew it, the lunch bell was ringing and his fellow classmates were rushing out of the room. Luckily, the bell rang before he was to read his memory out loud. This small break would give him time to scribble something down, but he wasn't sure what to write. Matt sighed and grabbed all required tools necessary for working on this small memory.

Standing up and following the crowd, he tried to catch up to Mello as he rounded the corner and darted off towards a line at the opposite end of the café. Matt, unsure of what to do, stood still as hungry teenagers maneuvered around him, his eyes trained on the blond that had become friendly with an auburn haired boy.

What the hell was going on and why wasn't he informed?

Groaning as Mello visibly chuckled at something directed to him, Matt's fingers curled around the wiring of his notebook, clenching it tightly to his side.

Time stopped when Matt realized that Mello wanted nothing to do with him and that he would be spending lunch breaks without him. This wasn't how he dreamt of starting a new school, especially not with his boyfriend on the other side of the room.

Matt shuffled forward, looking around the extremely large space for a place to sit. The desire to sit at an empty table was pointless as he noticed that every single table had someone either sitting at it, eating, talking or sleeping.

He wanted to be alone, not that he was going to do anything other than his class work, but it was how he dealt with rejection. Matt had grown accustomed to spending his lunch periods playing his DS, or whatever hand held device he'd picked up from his floor the morning of. Only today he wasn't going to be alone and he didn't grab anything to play. Everything was still packed up.

"Matt!" a shrill voice called out, causing him to jump.

"Hi?"

Did he know her? Was he supposed to know her? She didn't look familiar.

"Hey," a small giggle erupted from her parted lips. "You don't remember me, do you?"

"Of course he doesn't remember you," another person commented, coming up beside the hyperactive blond girl standing before him.

"Awh! Why not? That's not cool," she whimpered disappointingly. She kept her eyes on him as she bounced on the heels of her feet, her hands playing with the many necklaces adorning her neck. The black contrast of the choker around her throat contrasted well with her pallid skin, he thought as he took a closer look. The girl did seem oddly familiar, but he couldn't put his finger on it. He had seen her before, that much he was sure.

Why couldn't he remember her?

"Because, between sticking his tongue Mello's throat," another female chuckled at the horror stricken expression crossing the blonde girl's face, "and getting pounded into a hotel bed, he wouldn't have time to remember you. Unless you're actually the one that was fucking him."

"I didn't have sex with him!"

"Okay... that's why he doesn't remember you," person number two stated dryly.

"Sayu," the last, brunette girl, smiled half heartedly at him, "and this is Near, he really doesn't talk much, so don't pay attention to him."

Green eyes looked over the shorter male and he nodded. Matt had totally seen them before, but putting a time and place on them was hard for him to do. They knew Mello, which automatically meant that during the summer he'd spent time with them.

"I'm Misa," the blond nearly shouted, oceans of bright blue staring directly into him as he watched her with little interest.

"How do you guys know me?"

Simple and straight forward.

"Mello?" Near coughed.

At the mention of his boyfriend's name, the red head looked to see Mello laughing it up with the same guy from five minutes before. He was awfully close to this person, Matt thought as the blond leaned against him, a daunting smile playing on his lips as azure eyes locked on endless pools of green. A shiver rode up his spine at the simple glance; a glance that held so much more than Matt would have liked to admit. It wasn't a look he was normally given by Mello.

No, it was intense and cold, a secret warning telling him to stay back. Shaking his head to rid thoughts of the auburn haired teenager slinking his arm around Mello's waist, he focused on the people in front of him.

"What about him?" Matt asked.

"We're his friends," Misa proclaimed eagerly. "Duh!"

"So am I," his voice was soft, sullen, and lacking, "but you don't see me over there with him, do you?"

"Yeah, about that..." Sayu cut in, pushing aside the small group and stalking over to a table that housed one heavily sleeping stoner. The smell of weed attacked Matt's noise viciously as he plopped down onto the circular orange seat connect to the table. Oh, how he could forget today existed if he was able to smoke as much as this passed out pot head.

"What about it?" Matt furrowed his brows and sighed, his head supported by the palms of his hands against his chin.

"Uh... well, y'see, it's like this," Sayu started, lightly nibbling on an animal cracker she acquired from Near, who was idly playing with a transformer toy. Starscream, to be exact.

Matt wasn't sure what was weirder. The fact that he knew the transformer's name or the fact that a teenage boy was publically playing with one.

"See that boy over there with Mello?" she asked, raising a hand and pointing at him. Matt slowly nodded, his gaze never faltering as he paid close attention to the two.

"That's my brother," she informed him, "his name is Light, and he's mister popular. I'd stay clear, especially when it comes to your fling with Mello."

Matt blinked in confusion, eyes fluttering between Mello, Light, and the girl he'd become acquainted with. Two questions loomed in the back of his mind.

One, for what reason did he have to keep away from _his boyfriend_?  
Two, how the hell did she know about them?

"See, Matt, the thing is, Light is very possessive when it comes to what he likes and desires." Near stated, having been listening to their conversations. "He'll do anything in order to obtain what he wants."

"Anything," Misa reiterated.

"But, what does that have to do with me?" Matt inquired, turning around to slightly eye Mello and the douche nozzle - who was wrongfully named Light - as they laughed, his eyes not failing to miss the smirk playing on Light's lips.

"Light wants Mello," Sayu said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Mello belongs to Matty, though!" Misa squealed, throwing her two cent in.

"Exactly," the brunette said," and Light knows that. Just like he also knows that Mello's parents are against homosexuality and would flip a bitch if they learned that Mello was dating Matt."

"... they're already suspicious," he whispered, more so to the table, but they still heard.

"Ho shit, that sucks," the Japanese girl pursed her lips, watching over Matt's shoulders as her brother placed a quick kiss to Mello's cheek. What she couldn't understand was that he had been after Mello since they were freshmen, but he was still reluctant to place claim on him.

She also couldn't understand how Mello didn't bother telling Matt any of this.

"That tells me why he's been acting weird. What's his problem with Ms. Berkley though? I told him I had her for English and he looked ready to go postal," Matt explained, unaware of the kiss between his love and his enemy.

"Mello hasn't told you anything, has he?" Near asked, looking up in time to see Matt shake his head. There was more?

The pale teen opened his mouth to speak, but the first bell cried out as an indication that lunch was at its end. All twenty three minutes had flown by, but they had been the most informative twenty minutes of his life. Sighing heavily, Matt grabbed his notebook off the table.

"You'll learn eventually, Matt, that things aren't as you think they are," the quiet one said, his head hanging as he walked off in the opposite direction back towards the history wing of the school.

Sayu shrugged when Mello passed them, his arms tense as he flexed his hands in his pockets, making it seem like he was listening to Light rant about the new boy that he'd declared was a "waste of time".

"See ya," Sayu nodded and followed after Near.

Misa, however, flung her arms around Matt's neck and hugged him closely, knowing that if Mello were to witness her latched onto his boy toy, he'd be more obligated to acknowledge his existence. With a soft smile, she pulled away and muttered a simple, "we meet at the convention a few months ago."

"I remember," he shouted after her as she walked off, her hips swaying teasingly from side to side. If he didn't have it bad for Mello, he decided that he would go after Misa. She wasn't as bad as she appeared, aside from being overly hyper. He figured that the ignorant shell she presented was a guise, a mask to hide something incredibe and shockingly beautiful.

It reminded him of Mello, but his disguise was beautiful, the sudden change in attitude and personality was not. This wasn't the person that he had studied these last few months; wasn't the person he'd fallen asleep next to after nights of vigorous understanding; not the person that had become to mean more to him than anything or anyone else in the world.

Mello even triumphed over his video games, and Matt would die without those.

His first day of his junior year was shaping up to be a bad one, and he almost wished that he hadn't agreed to move with his father. Matt wondered if his mother would take him back if he wanted to go home, because that's what he really wanted to do.

It took everything in him to silently carry himself back to class after lunch. The break in between lunch and the return to class wsa too short, as he soon noticed when the second bell rang out for lunch B to begin.

Why was he stuck with lunch A? First lunch always sucked, but at least that only on even days. On odd days he wasn't sure which lunch he had; he wished it was lunch D and that Mello wouldn't be there. This way he could skip lunch and go directly to his next class, or just evade the rest of the school day altogether.

"Hurry up," Mr. Cates called out as people filed into the room. Matt being the last one.

Sitting down mindlessly beside a certain person he didn't want to see, Matt placed his notebook on the table. With a huff he realized that he hadn't written anything and would be royally screwed if he messed up talking out of his ass on this. It seriously looked like he was going to have to make something up on spot and then hope to remember it later to write down. There would be a few minor words wrong, but he figured that'd be better than telling the teacher he didn't do it. And on the first day. Not good.

Thankfully Mr. Cates called on someone else, which gave him enough time to write something down.

"Very good," the teacher took pride in the details and words used that could have been read straight from a dictionary. "Matt, go."

Coughing softly, he looked around the room at wondering eyes; some pondering over him as a new student and others curious to know what he could have done that would be considered fun and memorable in this deadbeat town.

"Okay, uh..." he nervously said.

"Neon greens, pinks, and blues marked darkened space. Tedious beats sounded from various speakers lining said crowded room. Visible, though only as entering through ajar doors. People moved about, dancing vigorously. Looking left, water coolers sprawled along empty walls, ice in liquid form to quench thirst brought by heated movements," he paused only to catch his breath and look at the tense blond beside him.

"Searching right, a talented DJ spun records for young minds enjoyment. Glow stick fused air clashed harmoniously with the shouts emitting out of happy mouths." Matt closed his eyes, trying to reword his event so that he omitted Mello's name. "Bodies collided forms upon willing force, arms flailing into vacancy before faces. Circles, figure eights, glowing balls captivated curious eyes. Raving really mattered most."

The class was silent. Stunned, most likely.

"Good, Matt," Cates spoke, praising the young man as he tapped his pen on the tan table top, "that was a perfect example of the homework I was going to give, and by default, Matt has been excused for completeing it before it was given. I'll explain later."

"Mello, you're next."

"I didn't do anything," his voice was void of all emotion.

Liar.

"Okay, but I still expect something next class."

Mello nodded. Oh, he had many things he could have read, but they all had Matt in them, and outing their romance in a room full of people that could potentionally tell Light was not a good idea. The blond decided to keep quiet, and because of that, he made Matt's mind go into paranoid overdrive.

"Guys, for next time, I want you to take what you've written today and condense it down, one hundred words and NO repetitions," a smirk was heard in the man's voice. And then the bell rang, dismissing the class until the next even day.

Slipping his notebook into his bag, and the bag over his head, Matt strolled out of the room with hopes that he could lose Mello before he tried to contact him and make up some excuse for his behavoir. He had heard - had seen - enough to understand what was going on, and he didn't need Mello trying to explain anything. Matt would play pretend and outside of school he would be the boyfriend he'd always been. The boyfriend Mello couldn't have in his double standard life.

"Matty!" Misa shouted, running up to him, yellow strands of silk dancing around her face as she wound her arm around his, pulling him with her towards their next class.

Mello eyed them, watching Matt willingly allow Misa to drag him. It hurt, he wasn't going to lie, but he was sure that the damage that had been inflicted on his red head was worse. He'd let Light touch him; let Light tell him what to do. It was with good reason, right? This way his sexuality stayed secret from his parents and he could spend all the time outside of school in the arms of his beloved.

Oh, but he was wrong. It wasn't and would never be that easy. Exchanging one freedom for another always back fires at some point.

"Uh. Where are we going?"

"Class, silly!"

"Oh." Matt paled at the prospect of having to share a class with her. Though, not even forty five minutes ago he entertained the idea of dating her instead.

Algebra two was the last class and he couldn't have been happier. It was one of the easiest classes he would take, as he had taken it the year before and was placed in it this go around by default. Matt's classes went according to year, not by whether or not they had been passed. It was going to be a breeze, he knew, as he was handed the exact book he used at his old school.

Aside from Misa prodding him every five seconds, the class went by without a hitch. It was as easy as he imagined.

The teacher talked forever - in reality it was five minutes - before the closing announcements came on. It never failed that the same things were said every morning and afternoon. Couldn't people change this stuff up? It got boring listening to the same thing.

Matt yawned, waiting to be released. He was finally able to go home and sleep. A nap that would turn onto his favorite afternoon pasttime.

The minute the bell sounded, Matt lazily grabbed his bag and slung it over his shoulder. The distance between his class and the parking lot was insane, but he walked it with no problem. Getting home was his top priority, and nothing was going to stop him from flopping down on his bed, curling into a ball of blankets and sleeping.

"Eh?" Matt freaked out, jumping as a pair of arms snaked around his waist and pulled him backwards. A pair of lips ghosted over the nape of his neck, warm breath washed over chilled skin.

"It's only me," the familiar voice spoke. "I hope I didn't scare you."

Matt heard the chuckle in his words as Mello rounded him and pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. Forgetting his current aggravation, Matt dove in for a second kiss, his lips roughly staking claim on Mello's mouth.

"How are you?" Mello asked, reluctantly pulling away from his boyfriend.

"Been better," the other teen muttered, pulling his bag off as he came to stop at his car and tossing it in the open window. The good thing about being a junior was that he could drive to school and no longer depend on the bus or his father. If that was the case, he'd be better off dropping out.

Leaning against his red camero, emerald captured azure, holding them and silently spilling all of this insecurities he had about Mello's life.

"Matt," the blond spoke, pressing his body against the other until Matt found comfort holding him. "I know you don't like it, but... it has to be this way."

"It doesn't," his embrace tightened. "Just tell him to fuck off, Mel."

Chuckling, Mello brushed his lips across Matt's mouth briefly before leaning onto him, his head against the other's chest. What was he supposed to say? He couldn't tell Matt that this had been going on since before he entered the picture.

"I can't," he whispered, "it isn't that easy, baby."

"Why not?" conviction laced this one simple question.

"... because, it could destory us."

"It's going to destory us regardless, Mello." Matt hated to say it, but it was true.

"Not if we don't let it." Mello looked up at Matt, shifting through the confusion eyes in his eyes. "We can work around this."

"Mel, what if he wants more from you? What will you do when he comes onto you and decides that he wants you?" Matt asked, rattling off. "All of you."

That possibility scared Matt. It was something that could actually happen, however hard it was to fathom.

Breathing in, Matt closed his eyes. "You wouldn't give him what he wants, would you?"

Pausing to think of an answer, the blond shook his head. Mello placed a trail of open kisses along Matt's neck, sucking and nibbling in specific spots that would get the red head worked up and off his current train of thought. Matt lolled his head back to give Mello more access, letting the ravishing excite him more than he should allow.

"I'd never let him do anything to me," Mello whispered against brusing skin. "I love you too much to hurt you like that."

"I love you," Matt moaned loudly in response, running his hands up his partner's side, "but you're already hurting me."

"Huh?"

"Look down," he instructed, blushing and bucking his hips against Mello's own.

"Oh shit," a dark chuckle rose from Mello's throat. "Want me to fix it?"

"I would love for you to, but..." Matt trailed off, shoving Mello away from him before gripping the silver door handle in a death grip and opening it, "I'm just a dirty little secret, Mel."

"Matt, that's not true." he objected, holding onto red metal, his fingers digging into the cool leather of the door interior. "You're not a secret."

Liar. Strike two.

"It's fine," Matt told him, forcing a smile as he put the key in the ignition and nodded towards the blond. "He's coming this way. Later."

Stepping back from the car, Mello took another look at his boyfriend. A crestfallen expression flashed over his delicate features as he backed up, revved the engine and drove out of the student parking lot.

"Mello," a stern voice beckoned. "Who was that?"

"A friend," he responded quietly.

"I don't want to see you with him again."

Nodding and feigning tears as Light slipped his arm around Mello's small waist, the blond thought about how easy it would have been to get in that car and say the hell with everything. But, really, it wasn't as easy as it sounded.

This was going to be harder than he imagined, but Matt meant the world to him. He could do this.

He was Mello.

And Mello could do anything.

* * *

Challenge: write a 100 word prompt with NO REPEATING WORDS about something that happened over the summer regarding their time together. the one I like the most will be put in the chapter where Mello reads his prompt, the homework that was given in this chapter. PM them to me or post in a review, whatever works.

also, this challenge was assigned homework for me when I was a junior and Matt's story is the one I wrote back then. yes, I still have my stories/papers from years ago! ha.

yes? no?

|  
V  
this box freaks me out its huge.

review?


	3. 03

holy bloody hell. it's been almost a year since i last updated this! i'm sorry! my laptop crashed last august while i was in the middle of rewriting this chapter and i got discouraged, so i said fuck a new laptop, i have games coming out that i want and conventions, so i did that instead. i'm so sorry, to anyone that still follows this or me, ha.

again, combined chapters 4&5 and a huge change from the previous story, which means new content soon!

* * *

_"Love is so irrational- oh, oh,  
__the more we we fight the less I know- oh, oh.  
__Well, I want you just as bad,  
__Oh, just as bad as I always have,  
__I want you just as bad."_

_- Tete-A-Tete, Walk the Moon._

* * *

Mello kicked his legs out, ignoring the protesting squeak coming from the chains. His fingers tightly wrapped around the cool metal, moving with the small links as he pushed himself back and forth, higher and higher, climbing towards a destination he knew he'd never quite reach.

Before him, blue battled with black as a ribbon of purple claimed the skyline. Days were growing shorter and he knew that before long he would no longer be able to spend his evenings outside, musing alone. He would soon have to start retiring to his room or listen to his parents nag him over the smallest things.

Until then, he was determined to make the most out it still being light out. He hoped that his parents would for once forget to call him back inside before they went to bed; that wouldn't happen though- the were too afraid.

Afraid of what?

Mello had always questioned their motives, but to no avail. His answers were always the same and that was incredibly frustrating. Most times, he figured that his parents didn't want someone to meet up with and possibly corrupt him. This could fall back to a number of things that they did wrong in their lives and were now trying to atone for their sins by using him as an example. Apparently they had spent the better part of their lives trying to set morals and values for him- a list he'd like to see so he could check off which ones he'd broken or hadn't followed.

The only thing he was certain of, however, was that his parental units were becoming more aware of his friendship with the red head he'd gotten close to over the last couple months. He had plans to keep them in the dark as long as he could, but such things couldn't be helped once they began to get more comfortable with their secrets.

At first, his mother had been extremely wary of the gamer as he closely followed her son, patiently awaiting his next command. It didn't take her long to get used to him, thankfully, but Mello's father was an entirely different story. He still didn't approve of Matt, despite various attempts from both himself and his mother in regards to him accepting Matt. The blond had even pulled the "he's always going to be in my life, so you need to get used to it" card. If that one sentence could have sounded any gayer than it already did, he would be on a way one flight to boot camp in bumfuck nowhere.

It was times like those that Mello wished he had better self control, especially when it back to his relationship with...

Matt, who was currently leaning against one of the slanted wooden poles of the swing set, eyes watching his boyfriend soar against the decorated sky.

Not wanting to disrupt his peace, the red head watched from afar - or, closely, depending - as Mello smiled, his eyes closed and the wind ruffling his already tousled hair. The same expression that he wore the morning of the last day of the convention crossed his features as he inched closer towards the charcoal canvas littered in specks of yellow. If Mello could be a star, Matt thought, he would be the brightest of them all.

"Mel?" Matt's voice was quiet.

The swing came to a slow stop, happily rejoicing in its freedom, as Mello's feet acted like brakes against the ground underneath him. Opening his eyes, he looked at Matt with mild curiosity, his hands twitching around the chain-links as he pushed off, legs bent and preparing for immediate connection.

Time ceased to exist.

With wide eyes and a crooked grin, Matt stepped directly in front of the swing the moment he realized was Mello was about to do, awaiting the inevitability of the blond hitting him. However, he was more surprised than he thought he would've been when it actually happened. Mello laughed softly, straddling Matt's hips as he fought to recollect himself from the childish high and fits of giggles.

"Hey," he greeted the boy under him.

Smiling softly, Matt chuckled in response at the carefree persona Mello had taken on, even if was more for show. Still, even knowing this, it felt nice being the cause of said momentary happiness.

Slowly, Matt lifted a hand and brushed stray strands of gold away from Mello's face, allowing his fingers to linger lazily on silky skin. It was like caressing a flower petal, without the delicacy, because in no way was Mello delicate- ask him, he'll punch you.

"Hey, yourself," the gamer said, leaning up to meet Mello for a chaste kiss. "Your parents home?"

"Yeah." Mello deadpanned, looking up at the lilac curtain of his parent's bedroom window.

They'd called it quits early on, droning on about how they promised the pastor their help at tomorrow's church event. They had insisted that Mello attend - volunteer his time at - the function, but he blatantly refused when he realized he would be wasting his first Saturday off from school with people he didn't like or care about. Instead, he wanted to spend it laying around with Matt, like they'd done so much of over the summer.

"Damn. That sucks." Matt stated, bringing his hands along Mello's sides, "you think they'll let you come over tonight? It's the weekend."

"Hm. I don't know," the blond shivered at Matt's motions, reaching down and grasping his cold hands from their position on his waist and pulling them to his face, "they might. I have to ask."

Nodding against the dirt, Matt retrieved his hands from the possessive blond and grinning when he heard a faint "stay there!" from Mello as he retreated around the house towards the front door.

It was dark out, he realized after Mello left. And it was terrifyingly quiet, save for the drowning ambulance siren in the background and the train whistle blowing in the distance as it rolled over broken rails.

Matt shivered, blinking up to watch a plane fly by, much lower than he liked. Closing his eyes and letting his ears take over, Matt realized he didn't like being alone in the dark, especially at night.

Digging his elbows into the dirt, he leaned back, his eyes opening so that he could blankly stare off into the direction that Mello had gone. A soft glow emitting from the sliding glass was disrupted as Mello ran by it, casting his shadow on the backyard. Matt couldn't help but let a small chuckle escape his lips as he watched the light. Mello would surely ruin it when he ran back through with either a yes or no on whether he could stay with his boyfriend. Only, he wouldn't exactly refer to Matt as his boyfriend, instead, as his best friend.

Matt was fully aware of what their night together would hold and he smirked the more he thought about it. Mello, in his room and on his bed, hovering above him and creating a trail of saliva across his clavicle and sternum. Matt could already imagine the feel of Mello's hands against his naked anatomy and he could hear the pleased groans from Mello as he violated the body under him, and in turn, Matt would moan too loud for comfort.

Just thinking about it - about them - turned him on. Mello would be in for a surprise when he returned to Matt wanking it in his backyard. The mere sight of a frantic, hysterical Mello, with blue eyes wide and trying to get Matt away from the view of the window made Matt laugh. Mello would definitely claim that he was owed big time for that.

"Matt?" the voice was a startling sensation. Matt bit his lower hip to hold in a moan that had crept up the back of his throat. The faint click of the storm door closing and the footsteps of Mello heading towards him, made his situation even more difficult to keep under control.

"Yeah," he answered, rolling his hips upwards and shivering at the contact of his once loose fitting jeans rubbing against his straining erection, "over here. Right where you left me."

"They said," Mello started, sitting down beside Matt, eyeing the gamer as he fought to not give himself away.

Matt shook slightly, trying to not let himself get too wrapped up in the feeling on the fabric pushing against him. He had to still himself. Not moving meant no friction and that was slowly beginning to get to him, both mentally and physically. Matt hated it.

"You okay?" Mello asked, concerned.

"Nn, yeah." Matt answered, sitting up and wiping his hands on his thighs in attempt to accidentally - purposely - brush the bulge between his legs.

"Liar." Mello hissed, watching Matt warily as his fingers skimmed over his pants suggestively, his nose scrunching up on contact, warranting a small gasp of heated pleasure. Mello wasn't stupid, but watching Matt suffer was entertaining, to say the least. If Matt made these sounds by himself, he could only imagine what sounds he produce if he were the eliciting them.

"That bites."

"What does?" Matt turned his head to look at the blond, who took the opportunity to capture his lips, forcing his tongue into the warmth of Matt's mouth.

Dragging his tongue over Mello's intruding tongue, Matt fought back, declaring a name for himself in their battle. It would have worked, and he would have certainly won, if Mello hadn't purposely placed his hand atop the denim covering Matt's erection.

"Mm. Mels," the younger teen mewled, head falling back as Mello's hand began to knead his jeans. Matt bucked his hips, pushing against the blond as he squeezed Matt.

"Feels good, yeah?" Mello asked.

"Oh, hell yeah."

In desperate need for more contact - more friction - Matt pressed upwards harder, coaxing Mello to touch him more. A hoarse moan escaping his mouth.

Aside from the one incident where Mello nailed him against the bathroom door, they hadn't really shared another intimate moment. Yes, they had, like every other couple, fooled around in hopes of achieving satisfaction, but given the many obstacles in their way, it never happened. Thus, leaving them both, many times, with a bad case of blue balls.

"Matt," the sultry voice of his lover hung in the air as Mello nibbled on his ear, "you have no idea how much I want you right now."

"T-then... do something," Matt insisted; not that he could deny himself pleasure, even if he wanted to.

"Wow, Matty. I don't think I've ever seen you this eager before." Mello whispered, his teeth latching onto the skin right below Matt's ear, nipping at the flesh gently as he brought one leg over Matt's body so that he could straddle his hips. If he wasn't already aware of Matt's hard-on then the way he teasingly ground his hips against Matt's would give him away.

"It... it isn't everyday that I have a hot blond sitting on me, Mel."

"You'd like that though, wouldn't you?" Mello asked, pressing a trail of kisses along Matt's jaw line, stopping at the corner of his mouth in anticipation of Matt's answer.

Mello's shallow breathing ghosted over his mouth and he shuddered lightly. It was true, he would like it - hell, he would _love_ it - but he wouldn't admit more than just liking it.

"Y-yeah. I'd like it," Matt told him, moving his head slightly so that he could press his open mouth to Mello's tantalizing lips.

Matt groaned as Mello pushed him back against the ground, his palms pressing into the dirt of either side of Matt's head. The red head whimpered in response to the sudden tingling on his bottom lip as Mello sucked the swollen skin greedily.

"Mm," he drawled, tugging at the bruising lip in attempt to coax Matt into opening his mouth.

Complying, Matt gave Mello free range of his mouth. In the midst of a weak dance of appendages, Mello pushed against Matt's lower half, earning a pleased gasp.

"Fuck." Matt's breathing was becoming ragged as he bucked against Mello, pleading with the blond for something more than just a simple grinding of his ass on his crotch. Green eyes opened wide as Mello trickled a hand down his clothed chest, rising and falling intensely, to the top of Matt's pants, his fingers working to undo the button and zipper.

"Hm?" Mello teased, slowly treading his other hand under the black cotton covering Matt's upper body, effectively pushing the fabric upwards until it nearly covered his face.

Shaking his head to rid himself of the barrier keeping Mello from his sight, he jumped at the contact of warmth spreading across his navel. Matt's stomach coiled, and he dug his fingers into the palms of his hands. Mello sucked, nipped, and licked random spots along Matt's abdomen that the red head never realized gave him pleasure.

He was more than certain that because of Mello's teasing his body would be riddled in questions in the morning.

"Mel..."

"Mm?" was the muffled reply.

Curling his fingers into the soft clothing, Matt lifted his shirt from body with one hand and the other pushing back into the ground, allowing him to sit up slightly. Slowly, Matt removed his shirt with much difficulty and tossed it lazily to the side. It crumpled up somewhere beside them, but he didn't care. The only think he could focus on was the agonizingly slow pace in which Mello was working at.

Offering a lopsided grin, Matt threw his head back and stared up at the night sky in awe of the light that shone down from the stars glittering from galaxies far away. It was then, in his moment of being lost, that he felt Mello bite the skin right above his pants and he realized that he'd never been on the receiving side of getting head. He had only sucked Mello, not the other way around.

"H-hey," he leaned towards the blond, his voice lost against the wind as it picked up speed and other noises associated with night time, "I... I, you said..."

"I said what?"

Mello peered up at him through a curtain of yellow, azure eyes burning holes into Matt as he crawled his way back up the lithe body of his boyfriend, "said that I don't give head?"

Gulping and nodding, blood rushed to Matt's cheeks, mocking him.

He hadn't expected for the words to spill so loosely from Mello, but they had, and he knew that because he brought it up he wasn't getting anything. Matt always tried to keep his words to a minimum when it came to sex because everything set Mello off and Matt wasn't exactly read to have his boyfriend call it quits before his release.

"Matty," Mello's face inched closer, their noses barely touching, "oh," he stuck his tongue out and ran it along Matt's lips, "you have no idea."

And he didn't.

And he probably never would.

"I want to do this. Think of it as an apology for my behavior at school," he whispered, lightly brushing his lips over Matt's mouth.

"You... don't have to apologize for that," Matt said, lying back on the ground and placing a hand on the side of Mello's face." It's okay."

Leaning into his touch, Mello turned his head to press his lips against the palm of said hand, his voice small as he spoke, "It's not okay. I'm sorry..."

It had been sincere- the guilt from pushing Matt away tore at his heart; the rejected look that fluttered across Matt's face as he was neglected; the secretive kisses that had been stolen by Light; it all dwindled down to one apology.

And, of course, the current situation on hand.

"Mel?" Matt spoke softly, caressing Mello's cheek with his thumb. His skin smooth and flawless.

"Mello?"

"Hm?"

"You okay?" Matt fidgeted slightly, positioning himself so that Mello was no longer seated directly on his aching front.

"Yeah," he responded, sliding his hand into the one Matt had on his face and stealing a short kiss from the gamer, serenely smiling into it as the moonlight settled over the young couple.

Regaining his composer from the weakening moment, the blond say up, forgetting his original plan of taking his time to work on Matt. He looked down at the unbuttoned pants before sliding his hand under the jean fabric. Flexing his fingers, he gripped Matt's erection and tugged, earning a low growl. The sound, however small it was, prompted Mello to try harder in order to gain that same noise, if not a better one.

He wanted to hear Matt cry out his name; wanted to hear his name fall from those beautifully bruised lips at his release; wanted to see the shimmer from the sweat that had risen on his lover's forehead as he tried to even his breathing out. Mello wanted it all.

"Nn." came Matt's plea for Mello to continue.

"Patience," was his hushed command, and before he had time to register what was going on, Mello was pushing his pants down to his knees, his hand still working Matt.

"Mel, c'mon... p-pretty," Matt practically begged, losing himself in the moment as he spread his legs apart, his hard-on resting against his thin build and encased by Mello's hand, "please, Mel."

The cool air against heated flesh was more than Matt could take and he rolled his hips into the slight squeezing the blond was giving him. He needed this more anything, and if all he could get was a hand job, then so be it, that was good enough for him.

"Let's do this," Mello said, laying down on top of Matt's partially nude body, attacking Matt's lips in a frenzy before trailing down his body, sucking and kissing here and there.

Mello's voice was husky, laden with desire and passion, making things harder for Matt to deal with.

It was now or never... and it was exciting. New, even.

Mello's breath ghosted over the tip of Matt's erection, causing Matt to shiver. Opening his mouth, he took the tip in and sucked experimentally. This small gesture earned a very pleased moan, and Mello laughed softly, pushing down and allowing the rest of Matt to enter his mouth.

"Nn," Matt mewled, bringing a hand to the top of Mello's head and threading his fingers through his soft hair.

Mello took this as an invitation to do more than just suck. His tongue swirling around the heated flesh as his head bobbed up and down in repetitive motion. Each lick here and each suck there, brought Matt closer towards his release. Small noises emitting from his mouth, and the grip on Mello's hair tightening. It was too much.

Mello stopped momentarily, removing Matt from his mouth as he sat up, blue locking with half lid green. The pleasure on Matt's face was perfection, and he couldn't help but wonder if this was the way Matt felt when he was the one giving head. He felt amazing knowing that he was the cause of this - the cause of Matt's wrinkled nose and swollen lips, the cause his chest rapidly rising and falling, the cause of Matt's pleasure.

Without another thought, his mouth engulfed Matt for a second time, pushing Matt deeper into the confines of his mouth as he kneaded himself through his pants. He had no idea that giving head would turn him on, and he had no idea that it would cause him to moan around Matt's cock.

"F-fuck!" Matt cried, tugging at Mello's hair, forcing him to stop.

"What?" Mello asked, dazed and slightly confused.

"U-use your hand," the red head instructed, knowing Mello wouldn't appreciate it if he got his load off in his mouth.

Mello did as told, understanding Matt's soft request. He gripped the base with one hand and pulled several times, coaxing a series of swears from Matt's mouth as he came. White fluid covering his fingers and dripping onto Matt's body as he shuddered, his head lolled back against the ground and his breathing labored.

Matt wouldn't tell Mello, but that one tiny noise from the blond did him in. It brought him to completion.

"Feel better?"

"Mm, yeah." Matt answered. "But, I'm sure you don't feel that great."

Mello laughed. Unbelievable. How the hell did Matt know?

"Want me to fix it?" the red head asked, sitting up and looking at Mello, face flush.

"Not right now," he said, smirking.

"Well shit. When?"

"Later tonight," Mello told him, wrapping his arms around Matt's torso and pulling him close, his chin resting on Matt's shoulder. "When we can finally break your bed in."

"W-what?"

"My parents said I could come over."

Matt stared, eyes wide, re-imagining all the things that had gotten them into this predicament in the first place. Was this real? Had they actually not been a pair of nazis for once?

They were going to be alone. No parents, no friends, no intruders. This was actually happening. Matt couldn't believe it.

"Get dressed. I'll go get my things." Mello said, standing up and wiping his hand against his pants before heading towards the house.

Matt smiled, shaking his head and looking forward to the rest of the night ahead of them. It felt like it was going to be a night of firsts. He couldn't wait to find out what else Mello had in store.

"Hey, Matt?" Mello called from the darkness.

"Yeah?"

"I love you," he said loud enough for Matt hear, followed by the sound of the door shutting thirty seconds later.

Yeah, things were definitely going to be interesting.

* * *

so, this is the first smut of any kind that i've written in three years. i took out a lot from the original chapters, but i'm totally saving that for the next chapter. maybe. idk yet. i hope you guys enjoyed.

review please. thanks.

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	4. 04

i just want to apologize for this chapter and its sickeningly sweet, vomit inducing, fluffiness. i had other stuff planned for this chapter, but i think with my recent mind altering substances and urge to read something lovey dovey, i said fuck it and did this instead. whatever, yeah?

enjoy.

* * *

_"I could stay awake just to hear you breathin',  
watch you smile while you are sleeping,  
while you're far away and dreaming.  
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender.  
I could stay lost in this moment forever,  
every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure."_

_- I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing, Aerosmith._

* * *

Matt wasn't sure when they'd made it to his house or how they managed to get upstairs to his room in the dark without dying, but he wasn't complaining. The only thing he knew was that he had the worst erection he'd ever had in his life, despite the one he had while he was lying in Mello's backyard just thirty minutes prior.

"This is hardly fair, Matt." Mello said, pulling his hand away from working Matt.

"What?" Matt asked, confused.

"You've already gotten off once already," Mello pouted. "When do I get a turn?"

Matt blinked, forcing himself to slide off the bed and into the floor without a second thought. Mello watched curiously as his boyfriend positioned himself between his legs, green eyes glancing up to meet blue eyes. Matt brought a hand up and wrapped his fingers around the bottom of Mello's dick, tugging slowly, before placing the tip in his mouth and sucking. This elicited a moan from the blond, a noise Matt thoroughly enjoyed hearing.

Matt swirled his tongue over the head, along the slit, and down the length. He could feel Mello shiver underneath him as he worked slowly- teasingly. Mello bucked his hips, a silent plea for more. He wanted to feel the warmth of Matt's mouth around his cock; wanted to feel the release he'd been waiting for since he'd gotten the red head off.

"Nn," Mello moaned, chewing on his bottom lip.

Matt opened his mouth and took Mello, sucking and nipping in intervals, his tongue ghosting over his swollen member. His hands were no longer part of the equation as he pushed himself farther than he ever had before, taking the entire length into his mouth, despite his gag reflex wanting to kick in. He could feel Mello touch the back of his throat and he moaned, the vibrations doing wonders to the blond.

"F-fuck!" Mello shouted, snaking his fingers into Matt's messy locks, pulling.

This little action earned him a sound of contented approval. Matt loved it when Mello ran his hands through his hair. It was something Matt had always liked, something he enjoyed no matter the time of day. It was relaxing.

Matt pulled back, releasing Mello with a wet _pop!_ and bringing his hand back to work him the rest of the way. He could feel Mello tense up, on the verge of his orgasm.

"S-shit, almost there." Mello breathed, rolling his hips to meet the languid strokes of Matt's hand. The tight heat around him felt amazing. Mello could feel his release coil up in his stomach, and with one long, drawn out moan of Matt's name from bruised lips, he came all over his boyfriend's hand.

With his chest rising and falling as he tried to catch his breath, Mello pushed himself up so that he was sitting, a lazy smile playing on his lips. Matt remained on the floor, brilliant green eyes staring up at Mello's face, bright and full of love. Everything Matt had ever wanted to say to him was in that one gaze and it made Mello's heart swell.

"Hey," he whispered.

Matt chuckled, wiping his hands on the sheet falling off his bed. "Hey yourself."

"Get back up here with me?" Mello questioned. "I'm cold."

"I don't know," Matt said. "I'm comfortable down here. There's a nice view, too."

That earned a slap on the head and a laugh from the blond. Leave it to Matt to say something completely stupid. That was one of the things Mello loved about him though. It was like he didn't care what he said, he just said it. One would call that word vomit, but Mello would call it cute. If asked, however, he would deny it.

Mello huffed, extended his arms and practically pulling Matt onto the bed with him. With little struggle, the red head allowed this to happen. In reality he hadn't moved from his spot because he didn't feel like standing up, mainly because his aching erection was making it difficult to do so. Somewhere in his mind, he knew that Mello was aware of this.

Matt lay sprawled out beside him, one hand slowly working himself to completion as Mello's fingers danced along his side, playing his visible ribs like piano keys. It felt nice; being touched just for the sake of being touched. He closed his eyes, losing himself in everything that was Mello and the tender kisses that were being placed along his jawline, and he finished the job with a barely there moan.

Turning his head just slightly to the side, Matt captured Mello's lips with his, kneading his bottom lip with his teeth. It was gentle, slow, and everything Matt thought a kiss should be. And he was so incredibly grateful that he could experience it with Mello. Someone he'd met at random that he thought he'd never see again. It was weird how things worked out; like this was fate's way of finally giving back to him after years of being treated horribly by his older brother.

"You're thinking," Mello whispered, having pulled away from Matt.

"Something like that," he answered.

Mello turned to lay on his side, propping his head up with one hand and leaving the other to rest against his side. He watched Matt with interest, staring at him and hoping he could delve into the inner workings of his boyfriend's mind. There was so much he didn't know about Matt, so much he still wanted to learn.

"What's up?" the blond asked.

Matt mimicked Mello's action, rolling over to lay on his side, facing Mello with a soft smile playing on his face. He placed his free hand against Mello's cheek, stroking his skin with his thumb.

"You really want to know?"

"Yeah," Mello murmured, leaning into Matt's touch.

"I'm thinking about you," Matt answered truthfully. "About when we met and how lucky I am to have you."

Mello's eyes grew wide. That hadn't been the response he thought he'd get.

If anything, Mello thought he'd say something about a new game coming out that he was looking forward to or an idea of what they could do for the remainder of the night. But that? Mello was, to say the least, shocked.

"Like," Matt started, inching closer to Mello, "I don't know. I feel like everything was supposed to happen. That," he motioned between their bodies, "this was meant to be. It's lame, I know, but I can't help it."

Mello leaned forward, closing the gap between them and gaining a startled gasp from Matt. He pushed him backwards onto the mattress as he straddled his boyfriend's hips, their bodies moving in sync, and he kissed him with a passion he never knew he had. Matt made him feel like things he'd never felt before; things he once thought he could never feel. And no, it wasn't stupid that the red head felt that way because he felt it too. They were supposed to be together.

Breaking the kiss, he leaned down so that their foreheads touched ever-so lightly, before speaking. "That's not lame, Matt."

"It kinda is." Matt smiled.

"Then that makes me lame too," Mello whispered, his eyes searching Matt's for the reassurance that yeah, they were both losers, but as long as they had each other it really didn't matter.

"I love you," Matt breathed against his lips, wrapping his arms around Mello's torso and bringing him down until he was laying on top of him. They fit perfectly; two pieces of a puzzle that refused to mold so they could fit into a spot that wasn't meant for them.

Mello's lips sought his for a chaste kiss. "I love you too."

They couldn't remember how long they laid in Matt's bed, talking about their lives before they knew each other and sharing feathery touches, but it had to have been quite some time because when Matt checked the blinking clock on his cable box it read after midnight. Matt couldn't complain though and he was sure Mello couldn't either.

At some point in their silent comfort Mello had fallen asleep, lying on his stomach beside Matt with one arm hugging a pillow close to his chest. Matt smiled fondly as he blindly felt around for his blanket. Mello looked like he was at peace with himself, and it was a look that Matt could get used to seeing more of.

Covering them both up, he sighed contently, muttering a quick "love you" before allowing himself to be claimed by sleep, the last thought on his mind being that hadn't properly broken his bed in.

That could wait for another time.

* * *

yaaaaaay. i hope that wasn't too bad. it'll start getting interesting next chapter when stuff actually starts happening.

review please. thank you.

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V


	5. 05

so, i figure that if i keep updating this at the rate i'm going at i'll have this finished in no time. i've rekindled my love for matt and mello over the last week, so because of that, i've been writing my ass off. also, i lost my job. it's also a cure for my boredom since i've stopped gaming as much. yay?

enjoy.

* * *

_"In this room without a view,  
(don't turn on me now, don't turn on me)  
all I can see is you.  
Open your window for me;  
this is my only hope that I may walk  
through the darkness and find  
my way home."_

_- A New Focus, This Day & Age._

* * *

Matt rolled over in attempt to get comfortable, one hand blindly searching for the blanket he'd kicked off in the middle of the night. When he realized that he couldn't find it, he cracked open his eyes only to be met with Mello laying on his side and facing him. Mello looked serene; no worries etched on his face as he slept. Blond locks had fallen into his face and Matt wanted to push them out of the way so he could get a better look at his boyfriend. It was then that he noticed his blanket was completely wrapped around Mello's body and that he wouldn't be getting it back any time soon.

Matt extended a hand out, gently trailing his fingers along Mello's exposed cheek, his hand forcing the hair to move from Mello's face. Mello stirred slightly, instinctively leaning into Matt's touch. It was such a small gesture, but it made Matt's heart soar. Knowing that he did this to Mello, that he made him happy- it did wonders for the red head and the way he thought about himself.

He felt wanted, needed, and most importantly, he felt loved.

Slowly running his hand down Mello's side to stop at his waist, a barely there smile graced his lips. Mello was perfection and he was his, and Matt had never felt luckier than he did in that moment.

"Hey," Mello whispered, startling Matt from his thoughts.

Matt's eyes lit up and he fisted the blanket covering Mello's body. "Morning, Mels."

The blond rolled over onto his back, forcing Matt to remove his hand, and he lifted up the blanket to silently offer Matt some of his warmth. Scooting over closer to Mello, the red head welcomed the heat as he propped his head against his hand.

"What time is it?" a groggy Mello asked, turning back to over to his original spot so that he could mimick Matt's position.

"I don't know," Matt said. "Too early."

Mello chuckled. "It's never too early, only too late."

"Then does that mean we need to get out of bed?" Matt asked.

Mello blinked. "Probably."

"Damn," the red head muttered. "I was enjoying this."

"Me too," Mello admitted. "But, I really have to pee."

Matt nodded to the best of his ability in his awkward position and removed himself from the covers, swinging his feet over the edge of the bed. Instantly he regretted it. Matt had finally warmed up and now it was being taken from him. Life hated him sometimes.

Mello came up behind him, wrapping his arms around Matt's chest and kissing the nape of his neck. A shiver ran down Matt's spine and he turned his head to the side, catching Mello's lips in a closed-mouth kiss. Mello used this oppurtunity to get off the bed, using Matt for support.

"I'll be right back," the blond told him, pulling away.

For the first time that morning Matt was able to find out that it was a little after nine, though he knew he'd been awake for at least an hour. The red head thought about what they would do for the rest of the day, seeing that Mello's parents hadn't given him a time in which they'd like him home. Matt had just assumed they'd spend it laying around all day, throw in a few make-out sessions or maybe a quickie, and enjoy spending time together since it would start to get progressively harder with school. Matt's father had left for the weekend, giving him free reign of the house until sometime Sunday morning, so really they could do anything they wanted.

Knowing Mello though, he'd probably want to go out. Pull a couple pranks, get into a little bit of trouble, the usual.

The only problem with that was having to hide themselves out of fear that someone would see them holding hands or stealing a small kiss; they would tell Mello's parents, he was sure. Everyone who knew anyone was aware of their stand on homosexuality and they wouldn't hesitate to inform his parents of their child's sins.

For some reason this infuriated Matt. Maybe it was their old school way of thinking, or their overly religious point of views, or how they would treat their own flesh and blood for not turning out the way they wanted. Whatever it was, it really pissed him off.

But, until the time came where he needed to speak up or tell Mello how he felt, he would keep those emotions filed in the back of his mind under _stupid fucking people_.

"You're thinking too hard." Mello's voice broke the red head out of his reverie.

"Not really," Matt uttered.

"Defintely were," the blond reiterated.

Matt rolled his eyes and motioned for Mello to come over to him. Mello obliged and Matt wrapped his arms around Mello, burying his face in the fabric adorning his chest. He couldn't imagine not having this, especially since he'd finally gotten used to the idea of being with someone. Matt didn't know how he would react if it was taken from him.

"This is nice and all, but I'm hungry." Mello said, grabbing Matt's arms and pulling him up so that the red head was standing. Matt led the way downstairs and into the kitchen.

"Have whatever," Matt offered, jumping up and sitting on the island in the center of the kitchen, his feet swinging.

It didn't take long for Mello to decide that he wanted something light to eat, so he settled on an apple. Matt was sure he would've gone for the banana in order to tease him. Needless to say, he was shocked when Mello grabbed the apple and took a decent sized bite out of it.

The rest of the morning was almost as slow. They sat on the couch, talking and flicking through different television stations because neither teen could figure out what they wanted to watch. Matt was content with watching Saturday morning cartoons or the gaming channel. Of course, Mello couldn't be bothered with either one of his choices; instead stating that he'd rather watch something informative, with depth, or a movie.

Finding a movie was no piece of cake either.

Matt wanted comedy, something he could laugh at. Mello wanted suspense, something that would have him trying to decipher cryptic codes before the movie ended. Matt then suggested a horror movie, mainly because he hated anything scary and it gave him an excuse to hide his face against Mello's person. Matt hadn't told his boyfriend about his dislike for horror flicks, and he had no plans to ever tell him. Mello seemed fine with this movie genre, so he set about finding the scariest, most gore filled movie he could.

"I'll be right back," Matt announced at random. "Don't start!"

Mello nodded and leaned back against the couch, his legs straightened out and his feet propped up on the coffee table. "Okay, hurry your ass up."

Matt laughed and shook his head as he disappeared into the back of the house in search for a blanket he would use for cover, drinks for them both, and a quick something to eat.

"Ready?" Mello questioned as Matt sat down beside him, placing their glasses on the table. Matt nodded with a day old slice of pizza hanging from his mouth, wrapping the blue blanket around his body. Mello's only response was a shake of his head.

The movie started normally, pointing out the main cast and mapping out what would be happening as it progressed. Not even fifteen minutes in and Mello was already rattling off who he thought the killer would be before anyone died. He would tell Matt all of his possible theories based off how each person was acting and Matt could do nothing but chuckle. How could he know this when all they'd watched was a pool party and a rejection from the hottest girl in the movie? Surely the guy rejected would be the killer because he got rejected.

"I'm sure there's more to it than unrequited love, Mello."

"I doubt it. These movies are always the same," the blond said, keeping his eyes on the screen. "They're so predictable, it's sad."

"What if he's not the killer?"

"Then she is," Mello pointed to the brunette girl walking across the screen with a drink in her hand. "She's pissed that the guy she wants, who was the guy rejected, wants the other girl that turned his ass down. So she's going to go on a killing spree."

Matt arched an eyebrow. "I bet she's the first one dead."

Mello looked at him incredulously. "What makes you say that?"

"The drunkest one always dies first and she's pretty fucked up," Matt explained.

They went back to watching and sure enough, true to Matt's word, the drunk girl was killed first. Mello paused the movie to stare at the red head, who shrugged his shoulders and sheepishly grinned. This earned a smack on the head from the pillow Mello had been leaning against. Matt laughed.

If asked, Matt couldn't say when he stopped watching the movie and became more interested in Mello and his own thoughts. At some point he'd manage to scoot himself over to the blond, ball part of the blanket up and place his head in Mello's lap. He tried to continue watching the movie, but when the masked killer shoved a butcher knife through some guy's back, he decided that he'd rather not vomit all over the place. Instead, he busied himself by studying Mello's features, thinking about what he'd rather be doing, and how they would be going back to ignoring one another in a few days.

"Matt," a soft voice spoke. "Hey, wake up."

Matt stirred, turning and burying his face against Mello's stomach, inhaling deeply. He pulled his legs up closer towards his body and twisted the blanket around his arms, cuddling into the warmth and soft strokes against his side. Matt didn't want to wake up yet.

"Come on." Mello gently pushed Matt's chin up, forcing sleepy green eyes to open. Mello couldn't help the smile that crept onto his face. Matt was too cute for words, especially when he was waking up.

"I don't wanna," the red head said, rolling onto his back.

"Please?" Mello asked, leaning down to press his lips against Matt's. "My mom called and they're almost done at the church. She's going to pick me up on the way."

Matt groaned before sitting up. "How long ago and what time is it?"

"Like ten minutes ago or something," the blond answered. "And it's about noon, I think."

Either that had been one long as hell movie or Mello continued to let him sleep after it ended. That had Matt wondering how Mello occupied himself afterwards, seeing as he was being used as a pillow and really couldn't get up without disturbing him.

"Think we have enough time for anything?" Matt inquired, playing with the hem of his shirt.

Mello laughed, placed both hands on either side of Matt's face and pushed their lips together roughly. Matt let out a startled noise as he pulled Mello back down onto the couch, one hand splayed across the middle of his back and the other combing through Mello's hair in a lazy attempt to bring them closer together. Mello smiled against Matt's lips before raking his tongue along his bottom lip, to which Matt eagerly opened his mouth for their tongues to dance.

Matt bucked his hips upwards and the colliding friction with Mello's arousal earned him a very pleasing moan in response. Mello pulled away, blue eyes taking in the sight below him. Matt's eyes wide and sparkling, his breathing slightly labored and his lips bruised. It was a look that his partner wore well.

They stayed like that, eyes searching each other for something unspeakable and well aware that they'd never find what they were looking for. It was hard to find what had already been found, but there was nothing wrong with trying. And try they would. A lot, actually.

"I'm gonna miss this," Matt expressed softly.

"We'll have other chances," Mello whispered, leaning down to steal a brief kiss.

A car horn sounded in the distance and Mello jumped, groaning unhappily. Rolling his eyes, he pushed himself up and off of Matt with help from the couch. Matt frowned, sat up and watched Mello put his shoes on. He didn't want the blond to leave, he wanted him to stay a little longer; wanted them to keep cuddling on the couch with silent promises and little declarations of love.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" Mello asked, standing up and placing a hand on the door knob.

"Yeah," the red head halfheartedly answered.

"Love you, Matt." Mello said him. He grinned when Matt reciprocated his words.

Matt sighed and looked down at his lap. He hated taking care of his problem by himself. His thoughts did no justice in comparison to the real thing. He could only wonder how awkward Mello had to feel sitting in the car with his parents and a raging hard-on.

* * *

Something didn't feel right to Mello as he plopped down on his bed after he'd eaten dinner with his parents, listening to them prattle on about what they did to help the church out and how he should have been there because people were asking for him. He promised that he'd attend in the morning as long as they'd shut up; though he didn't exactly including the part about shutting up.

"Mello," his mother's rigid voice called from the kitchen sometime later. "Come here."

"Yes, ma'am," he responded loudly so she could hear him from his room.

When he entered he took notice of two things: his father wasn't in the room and there was a thick cloud of tension in the air. His mother sat in the chair against the farthest wall from him, her legs crossed and one hand on the table; fake nails tapping irritatingly on the faux wood surface as she motioned for him to take a seat.

A strangled silence fell over the room, mocking the two. It appeared to already know what was going to be said as the atmosphere grew suffocating, figuratively cutting off the air supply to Mello's lungs. He coughed and his mother took the opportunity to talk.

"I saw what you did last night," she said, her cold gaze fixed on him, "and I'm disappointed."

"What?" he asked, feigning ignorance.

"Mello, don't play dumb with me! I saw it with my own two eyes!" she slammed her hands down on the table as she stood up.

"Then why did you let me go over last night?" Mello asked. A question she pointedly ignored.

"You should be ashamed of yourself. What you did was wrong," she began, preparing to assault him with a round of questions. "How long as this been going on?"

Mello sat silent, tracing the designs on the table cloth.

"How long, Mello?!"

"A few months," he whispered.

"A few months? When did it start?"

Mello blinked, avoiding her eyes at all costs as he leaned back in the chair, his hands shakily gripping the arms. He couldn't do this; there was no way he could give up the details of his relationship. It was a private matter, and no matter his mother's authority, it wasn't her business. Mello wanted to keep these memories to himself.

"Answer me, Mello!" she shouted loud enough to wake her sleeping husband, her arms crossed over her flowered nightgown.

"At the beginning of the summer," his voice was almost lost to her heavy breathing.

"That's when he moved here, correct?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"And how do you feel about this boy?"

Worrying his bottom lip, Mello wasn't sure if he should come out and confess his love for Matt or if he should explain to her that it was only an experiment. That it meant nothing to him; he was confused and it was a way to test his sexuality. She would only have more questions that he didn't want to answer.

"I..." he gulped, pushing back tears that were threatening to spill, "love him."

"Nonsense," she spat, coming around the table and standing in front of her cowering teenager, "you don't know what love is! You don't have a clue what it feels like to love someone!"

"Y-yes, I do." Mello stuttered, looking up to meet her scrutinizing eyes. "I know that I love him."

"Mello, stop talking this trash! Even if you understand love," she seethed," my son will not be wasting it on another boy! I will not allow that in my house!"

"Too bad," he vocalized defiantly.

Mello never imagined that he would be put in this situation so soon. He had always hoped that he wouldn't have to deal with it until he graduated high school. At least then he could run.

"Too bad? Too bad?! I don't know who you think you are, young man, but this is going to stop! I will not have my son laying with another man! It is against everything we've taught you, Mello. Do you really want to disappoint your father?" she spoke harshly.

"N-no," Mello whimpered, a tear sliding down his face.

"I didn't think so," she stated, returning to her original spot across the table and re-positioning herself.

Mello couldn't believe it was happening. He knew they didn't agree with the 'gay lifestyle', but he couldn't believe that she would act the way she had. She wasn't his mother- a mother couldn't act that way to her child.

"Mom?"

"Yes, baby?" she cooed softly. It was almost like she wasn't trying to ruin his life.

"What do you have against us?" he questioned, placing the palms of his hands against the cool top of the table. "We've done nothing to you! We've done nothing and you want to take away the one thing that makes me happy!"

"Mello, we are no longer having this discussion," she proclaimed, eyeing Mello. "And you are not going to see him again."

"Whose going to stop me?"

His mother gasped, fisting the fabric of her nightgown into a ball as she stood and took the few steps back around the table to stand before her son. "We will send you to military school, Mello. Do not tempt me."

"You think that scares me? It doesn't, Mom! It doesn't fucking scare me!"

In the second that it took Mello to buck at his mother, it took half of that for her hand to come across his face with a resonating _crack_. "I will not tolerate that kind of language in my house, young man!"

"Just like you won't tolerate any happiness, right?" Mello choked, eyes wide and a hand against his tender cheek.

Flinching at the vulnerable sight of her child, she shook her head slowly. "Mello, I need you to understand. We're only trying to do what's best for you and taking part in... in homosexual acts with _that boy _isn't it."

"That boy has a name," he said through clenched teeth, "it's Matt." Mello dropped his hand away from his face and looked her in the eyes. "You don't know what what's best for me, Mom. Only I do! And Matt is what's best for me!"

"No, honey, he isn't."

"Yes, he fucking is!"

"Mello, watch your language," she reiterated, pursing her lips. "I'm only going to tell you this once. You are not to see him again, do you hear me? You are to break things off with him tomorrow after church. I want your life to be as normal as possible, Mello, so trust me when I say that this is for your own good."

"No military school...?" He asked. A devious plan already forming in his head.

"No, honey. As long as you do as told," she said, opening her arms to him.

Mello sighed heavily, forcing back a sob as he loosely embraced his mother. "I still love him, regardless."

"Then you'll have to get over that," her voice was quiet.

"I never will and you know it. He's the only one for me," Mello whispered, letting go of his mother and walking out of the kitchen towards his room.

"He's not the only one! This... this Matt," she spoke, venom lacing her voice when it came to his name. Matt was like the devil in her eyes and unworthy of anything.

Mello slammed his bedroom door, not caring if he woke up his father. He brought his hands up to his head, fisting his hair and falling back onto his bed. The sob that had been wracking his body tore through his chest in a fountain of tears as he curled up atop the quilt covering his bed.

"I love you," he cried out, holding onto a shirt that Matt had left there from when he stayed over the summer; his favorite black zelda t-shirt.

Mello wasn't going to throw his relationship away because his parents weren't satisfied with his choice of sexual partner. They'd have to get over it and accept him for who he was. He was willing to fight for Matt.

With a promise, the blond sniffled and inhaled the scent of his boyfriend that was lingering on the shirt. He fell asleep to cinnamon and something unknown.

* * *

well shit. that's rough.

review, please. thank you!

.

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V


	6. 06

i don't know how i managed to make this longer than the original chapter, but apparently i did. everything i've posted so far has been longer than the originals and that scares me... a little. anyway, i feel like my writing is horrible at the moment, which is why this took so long. i apologize.

* * *

_"We'll make the same mistakes.  
__I'll take the fall for you;  
__I hope you need this now,  
__'cause I know I still do."_

_- Until The Day I Die, Story Of The Year._

* * *

Morning had finally arrived in the from of chirping birds and obnoxious trickles of sunlight seeping through the blinds. It had been a restless night for Mello; this change in time was definitely not welcomed. Groaning, he placed an arm over his face to hide his eyes from the harsh sun.

"Ugh, what time," he muttered, his voice cracking, as he flipped over to face the open room. It didn't take a genius to realize that the brightness of the sun meant that it was _much too early_ in the morning. This sucked. Mello tossed and turned in a weak attempt at finding a more comfortable position, settling on lying on his back when nothing else felt good and his eyes shut to protect them. "Fuck this... too early."

In reality, though he didn't want to admit it, it wasn't too early. Mello was trying to prolong getting the day started because he knew what he had to do. What he'd been asked - forced - into doing to save himself. The blond was dreading it. He would be losing his boyfriend; his lover; his best friend - he would lose his entire world because his mother found them during a moment of weakness in his backyard.

How could they have been so stupid? They'd gotten to comfortable, he decided.

Mello lay in silence, filtering through his thoughts and replaying the images from the day before. Turning over, he buried his face in the cool fabric of his pillow. He had come up with every possible way to avoid breaking up with Matt. Hell, he even considered outing their relationship.

Mello conjured up many ideas. They could skip class and hide out in unused parts of the school on days when Light was absent; or they could work around their schedules and plan random trips to the bathroom; they could join extra curricular activities ranging from sports to theatrical performances; get a job working together after school. Only, with each possibility his tired brain came up with, he would find faults in his plans. Mello knew they wouldn't work out.

Things wouldn't be the same between them if he couldn't wrap his arms around Matt, pull him close and whisper how much he loved him. Passing glances and hidden advances did nothing for him. He'd only get more frustrated.

Their relationship would suffer severely if they tried to work around Light. Mello knew that he would run to his parents the moment Light found him in a compromising position with Matt. If he couldn't have Mello for himself, then things wouldn't look pretty. Light would make their lives hell.

Mello vaguely wondered why he was afraid of Light now that his mother knew about his relationship. Was there even a reason to be scared?

Shrugging, he continued his mental mantra, weeding out the flaws in his ideas.

Staying after school for things that didn't interest him was a no go from the start. He was fairly certain that Matt wouldn't go along with this one either, seeing that neither teen really cared for school or related events. Also, the fact that his mother would probably pick him up from time to time made him feel uneasy. She'd see Matt and automatically jump to conclusions, thus putting an end to anything he wanted to accomplish. Mello didn't exactly want his mother to find them battling an intense game of tonsil hockey. Nope, no thank you.

So, with the those options out of the way, that left him with one more to ponder. It seemed the most logical, but probably the least practical. They could get jobs working at the same place to maintain their relationship. But, then again, this idea was not what he really had in mind for terms of sneaking around. It wasn't that he didn't want a job; finally having his own money to do as he pleased and spend a few short hours with Matt a day really did sound great, but that's all it did. Sound great. Their boss would force the duo apart so that they could get their jobs done, and this would end up causing more friction than their already teenage travesty relationship could handle.

No matter which way he looked at things, they were over.

"Mello, honey, it's time to get up," his mother's voice greeted him much too cheerfully, pulling him from his thoughts. "We have a lot to do today, sweetie."

This actually meant 'you have a lot to do'.

Cringing, he reluctantly pushed himself up into a sitting position as he mentally cursed the woman that was ending his life. How the fuck was she so happy this early? And on a day that her son would be crying his eyes out, no less. It made absolutely no sense to him, but that didn't keep him from getting out of bed and trekking down the hall to meet with his parents for breakfast.

"Good morning," they both greeted in unison as he sat down in the chair that had been claimed by him when he was a child. Mello nodding in acknowledgment, a few strands of golden locks falling to block his vision.

"So, we have a big day ahead of us," his father announced as if he was aware of the agreement between his wife and son. Mello snorted, arching an eyebrow.

"I believe your mother said that you have something important to do first," he said, voice almost void of any emotion. Mello took this as a sign that his father didn't approve of him doing something that didn't either him or his mother. "Is this correct, Mello?"

"Yes, sir." Mello responded, nodding slowly to emphasize his point. He could feel his father's gaze, so he busied himself with picking at his food to avoid looking up only to find out that he was right. Mello didn't want to make eye contact with his old man out of fear that he would learn more about his plans. Apparently Mello's eyes told his parents everything and that was slightly upsetting.

"Well, what is it? It can't be so important that your old man can't know," he droned.

"Honey, he has a project for school that he has to work on," his mother interjected. "I am going to take him over to Matt's for a few hours so he can get everything he needs to work on his half tonight."

Oh, she was a splendid liar. Who knew that his mother, the saint and preacher of all things righteous, was such an amazing liar. The fact that his father fell for it made him laugh mentally. Outwardly, he snorted in amusement.

"What's the project?"

Mello blinked and looked up, eyes fixed on his mother as if looking for her to answer for him. When she didn't speak, he pulled something out of thin air. "It's for creative writing."

"What's it about?" his father pressed.

"I have to learn as much about Matt as I can so that I can write a biography on him," the blond stated, putting extra emphasis on 'learn as much about' as he could. Mello knew that ticked his mother off, seeing as he already knew enough and she was well aware of that fact.

"Don't you already know enough? You did spend the entire summer with the boy."

"And? That wasn't enough time to learn everything," Mello said, lifting his glass of orange juice to his mouth. "There's more to learn."

"Like?"

"... Well," Mello chewed on the inside of his cheek, "how life was like as his old school. Matt never really talked about it, so I figured this project would be a good time to ask."

"I see," the man muttered, forking more food into his mouth. "Good luck with that one, son."

Mello rolled his eyes and shifted the food around on his plate in attempt to make it look like he'd eaten more than he had. He wasn't hungry because his nerves were shot.

"May I be excused?" he asked, standing up, gathering his cup and silverware before being given an answer.

"Sure, sweetie," his mother smiled. "Go get ready, we're leaving soon."

If asked how he felt in that moment, after he dropped his dishes in the sink, he would have answered that he'd rather play chicken in the middle of train tracks than be forced to break Matt's heart.

* * *

In a house much different from Mello's was a sleeping redhead. He was curled into a ball in the middle of his bed, shaking as he fought off the demon plaguing his dreams. Matt unconsciously pulled his legs closer to his chest, arms loosely wrapped around his knees, as he whimpered. The nightmares only assaulted him when something happened or was going to happen, and he figured that being allowed to spend the previous day with Mello had been enough to trigger his childhood haunts. Matt didn't blame Mello for this, but instead, he put it all on his older brother. Mello wasn't the cause of him hiding in the farthest crevice of his mind and trying weakly to shield his body from attacks coming at him from every direction. No, the redhead blamed his older brother, because if not for him, Matt wouldn't be in his current state.

It was weird, the timing. After one good day alone with his boyfriend repressed memories surfaced. If awake, Matt would have certainly questioned it and possibly doubt himself on his ability to keep them at bay.

Over the past few months the nightmares had practically ceased to exist, and this was because for once something was going right in his life. His budding relationship with Mello was pushing back his negative thoughts and views on the world. Originally they had been a reoccurring thing, mocking Matt nightly as he tried to calm his erratically beating heart. It wasn't often that he was able to get a full night of sleep, but the moment he meet the blond everything changed.

Their first night together proved to be the cure for his troubling dreams. Of course, it had been after several rounds of sexual satisfaction that had taken place outside a bathroom in the convention center. That was the first night in a year that he'd slept without tossing and turning. It frightened him; he wasn't used to not battling the unseen monsters in his mind.

The only downfall to that weekend had been the day they'd split up to go back to their respected homes. That had been the night things slowly began to go back to being the same. Matt had thought that because he'd found some kind of happiness he wouldn't be bothered until something happened to upset him, but that wasn't the case.

Yes, the gamer had been upset when he had to leave the blond, but that wasn't enough to fuel the nightmares to their fullest potential. They would come much later - days later, in fact, and until then Matt decided to look at this short period of time as a getaway; a moment where things would stand still and allow him to enjoy life rather than feel like he just existed without any meaning.

In the between period of the convention and moving to a new location, things got progressively worse for the redhead as he tried to hole himself up in his room away from anything that would and could get his mind off the wonderful weekend he'd experienced. Matt associated the sudden increase of nightmares with the stress of packing and not being able to know what his new home would bring him. He hated change and uncertainties. When things did start becoming too much and he felt like giving up, Matt would think back to that weekend with Mello and wonder how he was and what he was doing. They were never too far from the other's thoughts. Mello had resorted to spending his days dreaming of Matt and the things they would do together had they lived in the same place. Matt's thoughts would, on occasion, go farther than that.

It wasn't long until those dreams became reality, and for Matt, that had been a blessing. Two things happened in the moment Matt's father told him they were moving and he knew things were finally starting to look up, even though he really had no idea if they would or not. They were moving away from the filth he'd been subjected to and the step-mother that never really did care for him or his well being. Honestly, she probably would have loved it if he'd succeeded that one time he tried to kill himself. She wouldn't admit that though.

Matt knew that at one point she cared about him, but he wasn't sure when it was.

Just being told that he was moving had him internally cheering, but the greatest news was when he was told that his brother wouldn't be going along for the ride. His brother opted to stay behind for school, claiming that them leaving was the only time he had to get away from a family he hated.

Matt had been his punching bag for so long that he didn't want to interact with him more than he had to. Normally the only thing between them was when his brother looked at him with malice, eyes in slits and a fist drawn back. Matt would cry, scream, and beg for him to stop as he curled into a fetal position, but he wouldn't listen. Matt couldn't make him stop, so with news of leaving him behind, Matt had finally found his relief.

The redhead would no longer be forced to take the only touches he could get from his brother; there would be no more punches, kicks, bruises, and broken bones. Matt didn't understand why he was to blame for their father cheating on his brother's mother or why he had to look almost identical to his birth mother, the woman that his father cheated with. It wasn't like he asked to be born from a relationship of infidelity. Matt couldn't help where he came from, but his brother didn't see him that way. Matt tore his family apart.

Still, being the naive child that he was, Matt cared for his brother even when he was beating him. He didn't question his sibling, his motives, or the blind eye their father offered in regards to Matt's beatings.

Matt's nightmares started nearly a year after his brother left for school and he kept them to himself.

"Matt!" a booming voice from the hallway sounded, followed by a rapid knocking on his door. "Get up!"

"Mm up," he answered groggily, curling into a tighter ball.

"You better fucking be," his father shouted as he trekked back downstairs.

The late morning sun bathed the teen in bright warmth as he struggled to keep conscious under his blanket. He fisted his fingers into the material and stretched out his legs, wincing at a tinge of pain that shot up his right leg. Matt rarely slept curled up in a ball, as he preferred to sleep with his limbs thrown in random directions and taking up the entire span of the bed. Last night had been an exception, apparently.

"Matt, fucking come on! It's almost noon," his father called from the bottom of the stairs, obviously annoyed.

"Damn it, shut up! I'm coming!" Matt yelled back, pushing the covers off his body. He shivered as the cold air collided with his skin.

Sitting with his feet dangling off the side of the bed, he raked them back and forth over the carpet. Rude awakenings were not his things, but after having picked up on the anxious tone of his father he knew something had to be up. It wasn't often that he was formally woke up, hence why the redhead considered his dad's behavior rude.

Matt shook his head tiredly, his fingers pulling through the knots that formed in his hair while he slept. His eyes searched the room for something clean to wear, but after a few minutes of not finding anything, he gave up with a soft sigh and resorted to just wearing his pajamas until he had to change. He'd have to wash clothes later on for school the next day, and that little bit of information made him cringe. Matt hated housework.

"Matt?" a second voice inquired, soft and depressed. It made him jump.

"What?" Matt held a hand against his chest, his heart beating fast under the t-shirt.

It got quiet for a moment as he focused on calming his nerves. Matt raised a brow, waiting for whomever it was outside his door to speak; had he been fully awake he would have realized that it was his boyfriend standing on the other side of the wooden barrier. Of course, he had no idea.

"Hey, uh," the other person began, shuffling closer to the faux wood, "your dad let me in. Can you open the door?"

Who was asking for entrance into his room? And why didn't he recognize the voice?

"Uh, yeah, sure... hold on."

Matt, who was too busy questioning himself over who and why, yawned softly and opened the door. It creaked in protest as it was forced out of it's resting place, but that didn't stop Mello from helping the redhead by pushing on it with one hand.

"Mello," he sighed in relief as the blond came into view. Matt had, with good reason, convinced himself that his boyfriend was his brother or someone else he really had no desire on seeing. The paranoia following his nightmares made things so much worse.

A pained smile crossed Mello's features as he stood before Matt, taking in his messy bed hair, dingy attire and sleepy persona. "Yeah."

"What's up?" Matt asked, wrapping his fingers around Mello's wrist, effectively pulling him into his bedroom and shutting the door behind him.

The air in the room was heavy, laced with tension and words that Mello didn't want to say. Words that were stuck in his throat like a sword he couldn't remember swallowing. This, of course, went unnoticed by the redhead that was walking backwards towards the bed. Matt watched Mello with tired eyes as he stiffly moved in his direction, hands fisted at his sides. A sullen expression fluttered across his face, forcing Matt to furrow his brows.

Was Mello nervous?

Was something wrong?

"You okay?" Matt asked.

Hm? Yeah," the blond lied, seating himself beside his soon to be ex-boyfriend. "I'm fine."

"I don't think you are," Matt muttered, their eyes locking as Mello turned to face him, blue eyes conflicted as the redhead inched closer. "What's wrong, Mel?"

"Friday night," Mello responded, leaning into the arms that had wrapped around his worn body, "remember?"

"How could I forget?" Matt gently placed his lips against Mello's cheek.

Mello melted against the warmth radiating from Matt, all worries escaping his rattled mind as the other teen ran his fingers along Mello's arm. It was a subtle motion; but it held affection, reassurance, and promises of a brighter future. Mello had never been the kind of person to romanticize things, but when he was in Matt's arms, where he was meant to be, he couldn't help but find the beauty in one of their last intimate moments together. Mello wanted it to last as long as possible.

"Matt," he inhaled sharply, "I need you to do something for me."

"Okay." Matt agreed unknowingly, "I'll do whatever you need me to do." Matt's grip around Mello's body tightened.

"Are you sure?" Mello looked down at his hands, afraid to continue the task that had been forced on him.

In truth, he was more afraid to look at Matt. He didn't want to see the shock written across his pale features or the tears that would, without a doubt, stream down his face. Mello didn't want to look into the broken eyes of the redhead when he would have to walk out of Matt's life. Asking his favor was, while difficult to do, a lot easier than knowing that he would be forced to watch Matt break in front of him.

After what felt like decades of sitting in silence, Mello coughed lightly. "Matt, I need you to be sure about that."

"I'm sure," he spoke, too lost in thought and content with their bodies rocking back and forth.

"... I need you to forget," Mello ceased to move with the redhead as he pulled away, eyes filled with regret the second the words left his mouth. "Can you do that?"

"Forget what, Mello?"

"The convention," he sighed heavily, "the day you moved here."

Matt blinked in confusion and opened his mouth to speak, but Mello cut him off, "these past few months."

"M-Mello...?" Matt cocked his head to the side, staring in awe at the boy that was avoiding eye contact.

"I need you to forget," Mello sputtered. It was in that moment, hidden behind a shield of gold, that Matt noticed the tears that had begun to fall from Mello's eyes.

"A-and," his voice was lost as a sob worked through his body, "I want you to forget Friday night... and yesterday."

"W-what? Why? I can't do that," Matt said.

"You said you were sure," Mello offered as a response.

"But, I... I can't do that, Mello. I can't forget any of that!"

"You have to," his elbows dug into his thighs as he held his face in his open palms, pain in liquid form sliding down his wrists. "I need you to."

Matt bit his bottom lip, bringing forth a coppery taste, and he wrapped his arms around Mello for a second time that day, holding the crying blond against his chest in a weak attempt to calm him down. What was going on? Why was Mello insisting that he forget about everything they'd done together? Why did he want him to forget _them_?

"I... I can't," Matt whispered, his seemingly strong demeanor crashing around him the more Mello cried into his shirt. Tears threatened to spill with every fragile sound emitted from the blond. Matt pressed his lips to the top of Mello's head, lovingly - longingly.

"I'm sorry, Matt."

Matt's breathe caught in his throat; he knew what was coming next. It wasn't like he hadn't thought about preparing himself for this moment, because he had. Matt spent hours upon hours staring at the ceiling and wondering when it would come to this. However, he hadn't expected it to be so soon.

"What happened yesterday, Mello?" Matt asked, creating soothing circles on Mello's back.

"My mom saw us," Mello answered truthfully.

So that was it. That was the reason for this. Matt inhaled deeply, waiting.

"I don't want to forget, though. Please... don't do this," Matt's desperate tone hit Mello hard, but he had already - well, his mother had - made his mind up. Matt shook against the blond, tears rolling down his cheeks as he forced back a whimper.

"I'm so sorry," Mello spoke softly, pushing against Matt's body, "but there's no other option."

"I know," Matt told him as he lazily brought a hand to Mello's chin. "I know..."

Matt forced the blond to look at him through the tears cascading down his face, their eyes reflecting the pain coursing through their bodies. Without much thought he leaned down and captured Mello's lips in a chaste kiss. The atmosphere in the room picked up as their lips connected, dulling their senses and drowning their sorrows. Mello lapped at Matt's mouth, running his tongue along his bottom lip. Matt obliged, as his tongue met Mello's in a poorly staged pas de deux.

"Mello," he pulled back, resting his forehead against Mello's, "I love you."

Those three simple words struck Mello in a way he never thought possible; like they were his lifeline and without them he would die. Mello slid his arms around Matt's waist and buried his face in the crook of his neck.

"I love you too, Matt," he whispered against Matt's skin. "I love you too."

Simultaneously they both wondered when the words to make their break up official would surface, but neither wanted to be the one to speak them. It was too much to know that this would be the last time they would share a moment. It would only increase their pain if one were to utter "we're over".

"Matt?"

"Yeah...?"

"Hold me until my mother calls?" he requested, closing any gape between their bodies.

"Of course," he murmured, pulling Mello into his lap.

Matt closed his eyes to prevent anymore tears from escaping and, for what felt like eternity, the broken couple held each other. The room was silent, save whimpers coming from both teenagers as their hearts shattered on Matt's bedroom floor.

They couldn't tell how much time had gone by, but a sound that neither wanted to hear echoed loudly in the silence. She was calling - this was it. This was the moment Matt had been dreading since school began. It wasn't supposed to happen now. Maybe later, but not yet...

Mello removed himself from Matt's grasp and without looking back he left a sobbing redhead behind. And, with his door clicking softly back into place, they were over.

* * *

i think my mind hates matt and wants to ruin his life. god, help us both.

review, please. thank you.

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V


	7. 07

i'm just gonna put this here because fuck it, i'm confused. someone reviewed and said they remember lines and i'm like, "holy shit i don't remember any of it. how can you?" oh my god, i honestly don't remember writing the original version of this story, which i'm rewriting off the other story and twisting or changing shit as a go. ALSO, total changer after this chapter and next. i decided to mix things up a little.

AND AND AND, my birthday is tomorrow. :3 happy birthday to meeee~ you guys are getting a chapter, i feel cheated. whatevs. ha.

enjoy!

* * *

_"Believe the news, I'm gone for good.  
__Call off the search; no one will know that I'm down here.  
__Believe the note I left for you.  
__You can't turn back the clocks, you can't pull me up from here,  
__... so don't try."_

_- Car Underwater, Armor For Sleep._

* * *

Students fled their classrooms to gather in groups around the upperclassmen cafeteria. Girls giggled ignorantly over the latest gossip and a rumor that Matt shouldn't have listened to or try not to believe. It was the beginning of lunch and the end of his slowly crumbling sanity.

Matt stood with his hands in his pockets and his mouth agape, trembling and trying to convince himself that his eyes were deceiving him. There was no way that the rumors he had been hearing all day were true. No way in hell.

This wasn't happening. Nope, not at all.

That wasn't Mello pushed into the junction between the wall and soda machine by Light. There was no way that was _his_ blond lavishing the mouth of personified evil. Just like there was no way that one of Light's hands was snaking its way into familiar golden locks and tugging roughly. And nope, that noise that escaped his victim was definitely not familiar as it assaulted Matt's ears.

Curling his fingers into his hands, the redhead stared in awe at the sight of his _recent ex-boyfriend_ making out with the school's resident asshole. All the laughter, staring, and very shocked conversations regarding the new - dare he think it - couple had died down and it left Matt in pain.

It was a pain he'd never experienced before as it ran through his body, skipping over his ribs, and violently attacked his beating heart from all directions. Behind the constricting pain Matt came to the conclusion that all the whispered sentiments between them meant virtually nothing. They were lies, twisted and construed to purposely force him to his knees in the middle of the crowded hallway. They were to keep him at bay when Mello couldn't get any from Light.

Matt, for the first time in his life, was dealing with actual heartbreak. Nothing he'd ever felt before came close to what he was feeling now.

He leaned against the wall for support, afraid to move - afraid to do anything in fear of falling to the dingy floor in a massive heap of tears and cracked emotions. Everything was silent, at least according to him, as he continued to torture himself with the scene before him. It was almost impossible to look away, despite all cries in the back of his mind to do so.

The scene belonged in a bad teenage flick. One where the girl cheats on her loyal boyfriend with the weird kid living next door, only to realize that he was nothing more than a pervert with mediocre skills in bed. When said slut would finally realize that she'd thrown out a good thing she would crawl back with her tail between her legs. It would be at the moment that said loyal boyfriend would confront her, demanding answers to her actions. Of course, it would be a forced 'I'm so sorry, I didn't know what I was doing' thing and he'd realize that she never loved him in the first place and he would find a girl that did. The rest would be history. Or, until graduation.

"Matt," a girl's voice broke through his thoughts, "come on."

"What?" he choked, turning to look at Sayu with guarded eyes.

"The more you watch the more upset you're going to be, so c'mon," she said, linking an arm through his and pulling him towards their table, "let's go eat."

"I'm not hungry," the redhead mumbled, head drooping as he looked at his shoes to avoid watching Mello and Light suck face.

"Matt, you have to eat."

"I don't want to."

"Matt, if you don't eat then you won't have the energy to confront him about it later," Near stated as he dropped his brown lunch bag onto the table, fishing around the inside until he came in contact with the first item that piqued his interest. "And, besides, we don't need you passing out on us."

Matt snorted, rolling his eyes. "I won't pass out."

"That's what she said!" Misa giggled, plopping down beside Near with a bottle of water.

"What?" Near sputtered, choking on whatever he swallowed.

"Nothing," she said with a teasing smile dancing across her face. Matt realized in that moment that he had smiled for the first time that day with her attempt to lighten the mood.

"So, uh... I thought you guys were like, y'know," Sayu made a motion with her hands that Matt assumed meant they were an item, "together."

"Yeah. _Were_," he answered, his vision clouding as the lovebirds walked by. Matt knew that Light wanted him to notice the way his arm was wrapped around Mello's waist as he pulled the blond closer. Apparently Light hadn't been kept in the dark on their status.

"What happened?" she questioned, cocking her head to the side in confusion.

"Sayu, I don't think this is the appropriate time to ask him," Near said, idly picking at the bag of chips before him. "It's fairly obvious that he's upset over it, so leave him be."

"But..." she started. Near glared at her, stopping the girl from continuing.

"It's okay," the redhead spoke softly, turning his head to the side so that he could look at the three students he considered friends. "Just don't expect me to answer everything."

With the approval to bombard him with questions, Sayu turned her body toward him. "Okay, that's cool. So, I guess I'm safe to say that you guys aren't together anymore?"

"Correct," he answered.

"How come? I thought you guys were happy," Misa chimed in, placing her head in her hands as she leaned in to better hear the conversation, clearly interested in Matt's half of the story.

Matt briefly looked at the sincere expression on her face before directing his gaze to the table, eyes tracing the darker lines running along the mahogany plastic. It was supposed to look like real wood, he assumed, as he drew a face in the lines. Matt started with one knot in the ink, trailing it down to a line that had been rejected and singled out, standing by itself. From there he focused on a larger knot barely an inch from the first one that would make up the mouth to the set of eyes he'd already found. The only left to find was the nose.

"Matty?"

"We were," he finally told them, forcing back a round of tears that had begun to creep along the bottom of his eyes. "We were happy, but sometimes happiness isn't enough."

"Of course it is, silly!" she nearly shouted with a small smile, covering Matt's exposed hand with her own. This action made him freeze and look down at their hands, studying how small her hand was in comparison to his.

"Then again, sometimes," Near began, shoving the empty chip bag back into the brown bag, "too much happiness is a bad thing."

At this point Matt zoned out, listening to them talk but not really hearing or understanding them. It wasn't his fault. His thoughts were somewhere else entirely.

"Guys, really? This is about Matt, not your points on being happy." Sayu deadpanned, looking from each face as she uncomfortably settled on watching secretive tears splatter on the table. She was curious, yes, but did she really want to ask him what happened? Was her own curiosity worth the pain she'd inflict on Matt by asking him to relive their break-up?

Of course, she'd rather hear it from him than get a butchered version from Light when they got home. No doubt Mello would have told him and possibly lied so that Matt would be the bad guy. She knew how he was around her brother and she hated it.

"What happened?"

"..."

"Matt, please, tell me." her voice was barely a whisper dripping with actual concern.

Matt sighed heavily as he looked up, tears staining his already pale complexion and causing his eyes to pop. Sayu gasped as he watched her carefully; his eyes were electrifying. They were bright, riddled with humiliation, guilt, regret, pain and more importantly, love. She had never seen such an intense shade of green before.

The redhead pulled his hand away from Misa, lifted the other from his its resting place on his thigh, and laid them across the surface of the table in front of him. Matt opted to keep some things of their break-up private, so he tried to reason with himself the best way to answer her. Matt's eyes searched the cafeteria for something to look at while he told them the story. "We were caught."

"... I had been stupid and decided to go visit him at his house when it got dark Friday." Matt recalled. "We hadn't been in school a few days and I already felt like we were drifting... because of the barrier between his clique and ours. I wanted to make sure that things were still the same, y'know? That even though we had to hide our relationship from the prejudices of school we were alright." Matt inhaled deeply, allowing his tears to freely fall. "I just... it was starting to feel diff-"

"Matt, you don't have to continue." Sayu protested his answering and instead offered him a shoulder to cry on. She knew it was tearing him apart.

Matt took her offer as he leaned his head against her, stiffening when he felt her hand against the small of his back. "You know how it feels, right?"

"How what feels?" she asked.

"This. It feels like... I can't describe it, Sayu. It's there and it hurts like hell, and fuck, if I hadn't been so stupid I would still have him!" Matt seethed at his own stupidity. "He'd still be mine, Sayu!"

Sayu furrowed her brows, pausing in her comforting movement. "What did you do?"

"It's personal," he chuckled.

"Did you guys, y'know, do _it_?" Misa, who had been silently listening, asked.

"Not exactly," Matt said, pushing his hair out of his face and looking at Misa. "Either way, his mother caught up, apparently. She caught him go-"

Matt caught himself, an 'oh-shit' grin flashing across his face momentarily. He would leave the rest of that explanation up to their imaginations, if they chose to use it.

The table's other occupants blanched, looking at one another with wide eyes before they settled on staring incredulously at him.

"Dude! Who watches their kid like that?" Sayu disrupted the awkward silence.

"Mello's mom," Matt retorted.

"And she's the reason behind your break-up?"

_Duh. Didn't I say that?_

"You know what doesn't make any sense, though?" Matt asked, lifting his head from Sayu's shoulder and wiping his eyes. With slender fingers running through his hair he sat up. "If she hates the idea of Mello being gay, and if Mello knows this... then why is he with your brother? Mello knows damn well that someone is going to tell his mother about them today, he has to fucking know!"

"I honestly don't know, Matt." Sayu said, fingering the hole in the sleeve of her jacket. "Maybe he thinks she won't find out?"

"Because that makes the situation better," Near vocalized, earning a snort from Matt.

"Right? It doesn't make sense. What if," Matt paled. "What if he didn't love me? What if he was just using me to get to Light?" Matt's face scrunched up at the mere thought of being used.

The blond had been his world, and at one point he'd been more than positive that he was the center to Mello's universe, but he was having a hard time believing it now. Matt had given his all to Mello, and for what?

In his distraught mind, Matt decided that Mello was, in fact, using him to gain Light's attention. That Matt was a fling and not a person with legitimate feelings, needs, and wants. To Matt, he'd been used in one of the worst ways possible.

The redhead turned around, clearly intent on finding the people that were to blame for his recently changed outlook on life. And, of course, there they were, huddled together at the same table he'd seen them at before. Mello was leaning into Light's touch with one hand placed on the auburn teen's leg and a serene smile painted on his face. Matt wanted to gag.

Light, it seemed, was paying no attention to the blond. Instead, and Matt's eyes were most definitely not playing tricks on him, Light was looking directly at him. Smirking like he'd just won the god damn lottery. Matt narrowed his eyes as the start of a staring contest began. He wouldn't lose to Light. Ever. Nobody would take Mello from him; they were supposed to be together, supposed to have their happily-fucking-ever-after.

Mello was the girl in the movie that Matt had directed in his mind, aside from the cheating aspect. At least Mello had the decency to wait until after they'd broken up before staking his claims on the weirdo next door. That was just as bad as cheating. Light played the role of the perverted, no sexual skilled dumbass. And Matt, even though he lacked the courage to march up to them and take Mello back like he wanted, was the loyal boyfriend.

However, in this version, Matt wouldn't need to find someone better than the school slut. He wouldn't have to replace what he'd lost because he would get Mello back, even if it killed him.

In the midst of all his thinking Matt realized a little too late that Mello was looking at him. It was because of Light's intense gaze that Mello bothered to look back, to follow what had captured his attention. Mello was shocked, but not as much as Matt was when he shook his head, eyes wide like a deer in headlights. Even though they were seated on opposite ends of the room, Mello didn't fail to notice the tears glistening in Matt's eyes or the forlorn look that twisted his beautiful features.

Frowning, Mello momentarily looked up at Light, who had, at that exact moment, taken it upon himself to place an open mouth kiss against the younger male's lips. Light pulled Mello closer to him, but was stopped when Mello brought his hands up to push against Light's chest. This broke the kiss.

"What the fuck? You little prick!" resonated from the far end of the cafeteria. Matt took this as a sign to get away as fast as he could. All the confidence that he'd gathered during their childish game of staring each other down vanished, leaving him broken. Matt knew that he was done for if he didn't retreat immediately.

"Fuck you, Light!" Mello shouted and tore his gaze away from said jerk, looking longingly at the table Matt had once been sitting at. The only people there were the ones he claimed were his friends, despite barely talking to them. Matt had already left.

* * *

His movements were sluggish; it was getting harder to walk. The hall was closing in on itself, ridding all available space as it began to devour the redhead. Still, Matt pushed his way through the tight area towards his creative writing class, where he hoped to find a brief period of solace. Time seemed to slow down with each agonizing step he took, minutes turning into short seconds as he sped up. Everything was in tunnel vision, and if he hadn't known any better, Matt would'e laughed at the fact that he felt like he'd smoked too much. Too bad he actually hadn't.

Using the wall as support, Matt continued on his journey. It appeared to him that no matter how fast he walked, he wasn't able to avoid the voice calling out his name from the opposite end of the corridor.

"Matt!" the voice followed him, bouncing off the beige walls and assaulting his ear drums.

In response, Matt darted around the corner and basically - but, not exactly - sprinted into the classroom. He wasn't up to dealing with humanity on any kind of level. Mainly, it was just the blond. Mello, who was surprisingly frustrated, as he entered the room seconds after his ex-boyfriend. Matt winced, curling in on himself as the clicking of Mello's shoes against the floor got louder the closer Mello got. Why had he picked a seat close to Mello? Fuck, he was so stupid.

"Matt...?" Mello spoke softly, sliding into his chair and turning to face the redhead.

"What?" Matt snapped.

"Look... I can expl-" the blond froze as Matt looked up from his spot, eyes coaxing Mello into momentary submission.

"You can what? You can explain?" Matt snorted. "I'd like to see you try." Matt shook his head, voice growing quiet, "... as far as I'm concerned you were just using your mom as an excuse to leave me."

Pain riddled his voice as he spoke, and Mello noticed based on how shaken up he sounded as he fought to calm himself. Mello could see that it was taking a lot out of Matt to keep himself composed and not cry; because, God forbid, he couldn't cry anymore even if he wanted to. Matt tore his gaze away from the blond and placed his head down on his hands as they folded across the top of his desk.

Mello blinked.

"Matt," he tried again, reaching a hand out to tap on Matt's desk.

"If you wanted Light so fucking bad you should have just told me, damn it. It would've saved us a lot of trouble," he cringed at the thought of not having experienced the last couple of months, his voice small as he finished speaking, "it would have saved us a lot of time."

Mello pulled his hand back as Matt audibly sighed. The accusation that Matt threw at him smacked him like a freight train and he found himself wanting to flee the room. It wasn't like the redhead to assume things without digging deeper for the truth, more so when it had to do with his love life. Then again, Mello wasn't normally the type of person to jump from one relationship to another; falling from heaven and landing in hell.

Matt fumbled around with his bag, located against the base of his chair. He knew the minute their teacher arrived he would ask them to restart their work and he wanted to be prepared. Searching for the notebook he'd slipped back into his bag before lunch was also a good distraction from being forced to stare at Mello.

The room they were in, much like how the walls had acted, were growing smaller. Each of the four walls pulled inwards, suffocating both boys as they occupied themselves. Mello found it hard to breath, but that didn't stop him opening his mouth to speak as Matt dropped his notebook and pen onto the desk.

"Matt," his voice was soft, "it isn't like that... I, fuck, this thing with Light... I need you to understand."

Mello slid a hand through his hair, tugging at the roots as he looked over at Matt. Why couldn't he explain the situation without getting choked up? It was extremely unnerving for him to hear the words stumble out of his mouth, mocking him as he tried to form a simple sentence.

If he couldn't be with Matt the way he wanted to be, then he still wanted to be part of his life. Mello would take being his friend, if anything at all. It would be going against what his mother wanted, but he didn't care. She wasn't going to keep him from being a part of Matt's life. If anything, he felt more inclined to push for a friendship with Matt.

Mello, who was finally starting to get irritated with his ex's attitude, grabbed Matt's arm, forcing the redhead to look up at him. "No, Matt."

"Then what?" Matt jerked his arm away, rubbing the soft where Mello's fingers dug into his flesh. Mello, for the first time that day, got to see the raw insecurities that had been plaguing Matt from the start. Emerald eyes were shining, guarded, and riddled with tears as his body trembled. Matt wasn't nearly as strong as he pretended to be.

"Oh," a third voice came into play. "Eager to get back to work?"

Mello's gaze shifted from Matt to their teacher, Mr. Cates, as he stepped into the classroom. Dropping a very unorganized binder onto the table in front of the room, he sat down, his head tilted to the side as he watched the two lone students. They weren't doing the assignment he'd given them, but they were in class before lunch let out. That had to mean something, right?

"So, Mello. What's your short story about?" Mr. Cates asked, taking a sip from the black coffee mug settled between his hands.

With a raised eyebrow, the blond shrugged. He hadn't really cared about something as trivial as a short story. Not when Matt was sitting close to him with the side of his face pressed against the cold surface of his desk.

Mello barely listened when the teacher recited a line from his stack of papers, presumably something from one of his favorite authors. Apparently that one line was the prompt for the short story they were doing and it had to be completed by the end of the period. Only, Mello didn't care enough to bother remembering the prompt or what the rules for finishing said paper were. He was too preoccupied by thoughts revolving around him and Matt.

"I don't know," Mello stated, earning a shake of the teacher's head. It was much easier to tell him that he hadn't decided what to write about than to tell the man that he didn't listen to him, thus making him not care about the assignment.

"I suggest you decide quickly, Mello. You have until the class to finish," his teacher commanded, "take a pointer from Matt there and start working on it before the bell rings. It's not hard, so it shouldn't take you long."

"The fuck?" Mello muttered, eyes quickly leaving the teacher and focusing on Matt, who had his head low and right hand moving diligently along the paper below his face. The once white page that Mello had seen before was full of words that he couldn't see, save for several lines at the bottom that Matt's pen was scribbling across. There was no way Matt had managed to write that much in such a short time.

How had he managed it? And, better yet, what was he writing so enthusiastically about?

"Matt?"

"What?" the redhead looked over at Mello from behind a crimson curtain, a bored expression on his face as he waited for the other to speak.

"I'm sorry," he spoke gingerly behind the ringing of the warning lunch bell, unsure if Matt heard his apology or it had been wasted.

Matt rolled his eyes and turned back to his notebook. He tightly gripped the black ballpoint pen between his fingers, lined the top on the paper and crossed out the last line he wrote. It was already embarrassing enough to know that he was working on a note that would probably be shoved into the abyss of Mello's bag, so he really didn't feel the need to further said embarrassment with cheesy one liners. It wasn't like it would mean anything to Mello, seeing that he'd apparently moved on. Matt's feelings would probably be a joke, if anything.

A startling shrill brought Matt from his notebook. After staring at his paper for what felt like forever, he finally noticed that his fellow students were packing up their books and getting ready for their next class. Blinking, he wondered when the hell lunch ended and where the remainder of his creative writing class had gone to. When Matt was caught up on something, focused, he wasn't exactly the most observant person around. Although, he had heard the lunch bell ring for his class to resume ages ago. That had to count for something, he thought.

Matt's eyes scanned over the words he'd written and he sighed, hardly pleased with the way his note - letter - had turned out. Yes, he'd put a lot of thought into what he wanted to convey, but he hadn't been able to put in everything. There was more he wanted to say. A lot more. That wouldn't happen though, because if he didn't give the letter to Mello now then he wouldn't get it at all. He'd been able to capture most of what he wanted Mello to know, so it was good enough. Maybe.

The question was, would Mello accept it? Secretly the redhead feared that his ex wouldn't bother, if his earlier actions were anything to go by. Regardless, he'd spent the last forty five minutes trying to perfect his emotions onto this piece of paper and he hoped that somewhere in Mello something would nag at him until he decided to read the two pages full of his confessions.

"Place your work on the corner of my desk," Mr. Cates said, motioning to the spot where he wanted the assignments to go, "and I will see you guys on Wednesday. And, don't forget that it's journal day, so bring your journals with you!"

Shaking his head at the teacher, Matt pulled out a third sheet, holding it in his free hand as he slipped his note onto Mello's desk, wary of touching the blond as he struggled with sliding his notebook back into his bag. Surprised with himself for having given Mello the papers without touching him, he smiled sadly to himself as he grabbed his carrier bag, put his daily assignment on the front desk, and walked out of the room.

The rest of the day would pass smoothly, Matt hoped. He didn't dare stop to see if Mello had noticed the gift he'd left behind, instead opting to continue towards his next class.

"What the...?" Mello looked down at his desk, puzzled. "The fuck is this?"

Oceanic eyes ghosted over the chicken scratch. It didn't take him long to register that this didn't belong to him; he knew his handwriting was much neater than the scribbled mess on the paper. Who did it belong to then? And, of all places, why was it left on his desk?

Mello shrugged, feigning interest in the sheets as he slipped the strap of his bag over his shoulder, fingers curling around the paper. Quickly he retreated from the room and began his descent for his final block, hoping that he wouldn't be stopped from finding out what was written on the papers locked within his death grip.

Mello was very curious. He wanted to know what they said. No, he needed to know; he had to know.

* * *

"Mello," a familiar voice demanded his attention, "get over here."

"What?" he stumbled, looking up from the papers he'd been balling up in his fist.

"I said get over here!" Light barked. Mello jumped.

"What do you want?"

"You know what I want," the older spat, capturing Mello's lips.

"What the fuck?!" Mello growled, pulling away from the auburn haired teenager.

"What? You want to play it that way, Mello?" Light stepped closer, an evil glint dancing in his yes as he watched Mello. Two could play this game.

Retaliating for the way he had been publicly humiliated, Light extended a hand out to tightly grasp Mello's arm, his nails breaking skin as he leaned in, words cold as he threatened, "if this if how you want to play, then we'll play. Keep your eyes on your little boyfriend, Mello."

"H-he's not my boyfriend!" Mello shouted as he pushed Light backwards, his body colliding with a group of unsuspecting girls that had decided to watch the scene unfolding in the hallway. One girl squealed, surprised or just happy to touch the bastard, Mello wasn't all that sure, but he did know that he needed to get away before anyone noticed his tears.

Walking towards the bathroom at the end of the hall, he stopped only to make the sharp turn into the vacant room. The warning bell mocked him as he weakly strode over to a single stall, shutting and locking the door as he took up residence on the floor, his back up against the wall.

Why did everything feel like it was against him? Why couldn't he get a moment of peace?

Since his mother had found out about his relationship with Matt he'd been put through a whirlwind of tests, forced into something he didn't want. Why did his parents have to shove him towards the one person he hated most? Light Yagami was, and would always be, his enemy. Nothing would ever change that.

Abso-fucking-lutely nothing.

"God damn it!" Mello yelled, slamming his head back against the wall and pulling his knees up to his chest. This wasn't how to expect to spend his day and it definitely wasn't how to intended to confront Matt with the truth.

Plucking the crumbled papers that had mysteriously gotten into his pants pockets, Mello eyed them warily, a sense of confusion overriding any traces of anger that he had in him. Mello barely noticed the name elegantly written along the back. A signature.

"Matt...?" he choked, unfolding the balls and straightening them on the floor in front of him.

What was so important that Matt couldn't tell him to his face?

Mello stared at the first word, his name, afraid to take the plunge and read farther. He knew that the redhead had spent his time writing the entire second half of the class, but he never thought that he'd been working on something for him. Despite his desire to read the paper in his hand, Mello folded the two sheets and neatly slipped them into a separate compartment in his bag. He would read it when he got home, nestled in his room.

There was an hour to go before school let out, and Mello, angry and confused, opted to spend the rest of the day hidden in the back of the unused bathroom.

* * *

ahhhhh, now comes the task of rewriting the note. oh god, i think it sucked last time. DDD:

review, please. thank you.

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